THE NEW YEAR APPROACHES and may it be a blessing.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!  Tis the eve of a new year.  2023.  That's looks a bit odd to me as it is futuristic to the little child still inside of me that remembers LIFE in the 50s, 60s, 70s, 80s, 90s and early 2000s as if they were yesterday.  Pause.  Blink.  Sigh.

Collecting memories along the way, I don't want to stop making new memories just yet.  I am after all old with a young inner self.  My packaging is wrinkled and crinkled, but that's the way it is.  I need to continue on my journey and see what's out there for someone approaching 70 years of age.  If I be so blessed, I will deliberately look for ways to stay busy and productive.  

What is it that I am suppose to do at this point in LIFE?  I have given this lots of thought.  I am to be a light in the darkness.  I am to be a Christian HOMEMAKER and wife even if the world says you can't be that.  You take up too much space and free load too many carbon prints.  duh.  What does that really mean?  Society doesn't like it when people live their lives married and committed to one spouse.  They don't like it when a woman stays HOME as a HOMEMAKER raising a family walking uprightly before the LORD.  They don't like anything godly or Christian.    

The medical field full of doctors are pushing a death agenda when people hit 80 years of age even though they took the Hippocratic oath.  Or are they hypocrites indulging in hypocrisy?

The medical field was bought out with JOHN D. ROCKEFELLER's money that he charmed the industry with a while back.

What he wanted the bright and upcoming medical doctors to practice was allopathy where pharmaceutical medicines are pushed so he could line his pockets with more money.  He wanted drugs to be pushed and natural remedies silenced as natural does not make as much money as big Pharma.  Surgeries and drugs were his thing as he promoted his personal agenda with his mind set being the golden standard practiced by young students being taught to be a physician.  

He wanted doctors to ignore getting to the bottom of what is causing the health issues and use medicines to quiet the symptoms.  A cover-up.  The cause of the illness was still there just soothed over with drugs.  

Nothing quite like taking medicines that make you sicker so you become a cash cow to the medical system.  Sick?  Here take these drugs and by the way they will have side effects that you think you have to tolerate, but they cause other issues which you more than likely will return to your doctor looking for healing in which more test can be ran with more visits to your general M.D. that will not investigate as to why you are ill in the first place.  Take the meds and shut-up. No whining allowed.  Anti-depressants will help calm you as the fluoride in the water you drink makes you complacent ignoring the illnesses in your temple.  Do I sound rather vulgar and sort of like a conspiracy theorist?  Okay, I can live with that.  Not a problem.  

When my 90 year old father lay dying from a stroke in a comfortable hospital bed, the well trained physician implied, well he has lived a long life...let him die.  Say your good-byes.  Yes, he had lived a long life, but to let him starve to death made me angry that this was the acceptable way to say good-bye.  

His dying process brought the worst out of my family.  One family member said to me that I was IGNORANT and self-centered.  I was accused of yelling at the doctors and nurses when the person that accused me of yelling wasn't even there.  I only had compliments for the nurses.  If there was yelling, it wasn't I doing the yelling.  Somebody fed them misinformation and they believed it over the truth.  Well hello.  Why would they do this?  To put division between us.  To make themselves feel superior than the lowly daughter. 

I am a threat because I am a stay at home HOMEMAKER that doesn't have to prove my value.  I have value and they don't know what it is.  I believe deep down they were threatened that I stayed HOME through the years when they wouldn't.  They seem to ignore that my husband was laid off from employment for 9 months. We managed to stay afloat with three children and a dog living in a rental that needed tender loving care.  We have had some rough waters to navigate through as husband and wife not just because of  unemployment.  I am a threat to many because I stayed married, was a homemaker and stay-at-home mom when it appeared I should have done otherwise which made sense to their way of thinking.  Ignoring the fact that I moved umpteen times with my husband's work and sometimes that moving landed us in sub-quality living conditions, I was a threat.  It wasn't always pretty nor was it comfortable to go through all the moving around we did.

I forgive them and hope they grow a heart.  They know not what they do.  I do not have to agree with them and that's alright.  Nor do I desire to stay upset at them.  They went their way and I went mine.

Concerning my Dad's end of life journey, I was told, "For God's sake, he is 90 years old."  

What do they really know?  They're brilliant.  They made the grade.  They had good paying jobs, but what happened to their heart along the way?  According to one family member, their parent is a superior human who walks the higher road, but I know first hand that I am in the valley gathering flowers and thanking God for the beauty He has made for me to enjoy while here on earth.  

As badly as I want family members to just get along, sometimes a relationship dies even if we want it to stay alive.  It may be painful and lonely without them, but God will comfort and help one get over the pain.  He has something better than hurt feelings.  Amen.

When adverse things happen in our lives, God still loves us and cares for us.  We may be in a valley so we are forced to lie down in green pastures then lead us beside the still waters for his namesake.  

He maketh me to lie in green pastures.  He restoreth my soul.  While we are down in a valley, we may change our way of thinking and deliberately look for something of substance other than what we had.  Seeing things through different eyes than before.  We can become a better person lying in the green pastures where before we walked all over the covering not noticing how refreshing the lying down would be.  A different perspective can come forth.  May it be for the better and we don't get bitter.  

Having a sabbath from the everyday grind is refreshing.  Dear Lord, Your ways are higher than ours and you know what is good for us.  You desire good things for your children.  You desire a personal relationship with us on the good days and on the not so good days.  Amen.    

23 The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.

2 He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters.

3 He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake.

4 Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.

5 Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over.

6 Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord for ever.

Psalm 23 was my Dad's favorite scripture.  I can see why.

I hope I am as fortunate as my dad to live to be 90, but I don't want to starve to death because the doctor says I have lived past 80 which is long enough.  When we age, we more than likely still need medical attention.  We may have medical issues that probably cost the system more than they want to spend.  Even if insured.  Especially if insured.  The more money they keep, the better it is for their investments that they have made with our money we paid them over the years.  Give me, give me, give me and the system is happy that they can keep all that was given. There may be no return on what we paid them as they will see to it that they get to keep the money and not use it to help us out with what we paid for.  Fraud comes to mind.  Greed.  Insult.  

It's more financially feasible to let those costing THE SYSTEM too much money die than help them stay alive.  Money over ethics.  What is it that GOD says about the love of money is the root of all evil?  Yes, it is.  Yes, it is.  

Dad got to be 90 by the grace of God and by having determination to live LIFE as a good and honest man that wanted to live as long as he could.  HE WAS A FIGHTER.  I am not ashamed to say I wanted my father to live longer even if he were over 80.  I am not ashamed that I believed he should not be starved to death.  He went quietly when he died.  He is in heaven.  I will see him again when I get there. AND yes there is a heaven.   

As Hubby and I downsize, we are changing.  I can't be so sentimental over gum wrappers and pop cans.  All the tools he has collected have to be organized with neatness and order.  My dish collection has to shrink.  Part of the problem is that I COLLECT a multitude of THINGS.  Dishes, dolls, pictures, dishes, clothing, purses, lipstick, nail polish, books, mugs, furniture, dishes, knick knacks, dishes, magazines, blah, blah, blah.  Hubby loves pencils, pens, paper, tools....

I wish the downsizing were already done, but it AINT.  I have to enjoy the dance like good 'ole Garth Brooks sings about.  We spent years building up our estate and it is taking years to downsize.  We are slowly inching along the path of downsizing.  

The COTTAGE needs significant remodeling before we move in and call it HOME. Yesterday, we found some khaki colored cordless shades that will be hung in the newly remodeled storage side of the COTTAGE garage.  

Six months went into remodeling the storage side of the garage in which we call THE SHED.  The shed was full of chaos and mess.  Boxes were full of stuff that needed cleaned out and dealt with. JUNK was piled in the shed that had to be cleared out and when the shed was cleaned out, the walls revealed water damage that had ruined the existing paneling.  Warped and ugly.  

The door was replaced and the three windows repaired.  The paneling was removed and replaced with new sheet rock and new paneling.  The ceiling paneling was removed and the same was done with sheet rock and new paneling.  New light switch covers and trim put up, new light fixtures hung, a wall painted and the concrete floor painted.  A very much needed overhaul was done.  

Muscle racks are making their way over to the shed to store Holiday Decor until the cellar is worked over.  Breaking them down and transporting them then setting them back up, does some doing.  Snap and it's done isn't a reality.  Planning and work is.

We did it.  Hubby is a wizard when it comes to projects like this one.  He's a one man crew with me being his clumsy side kick assisting with whatever.  He tells me that our 'lil COTTAGE will look just as good when we get done.  When I look about the COTTAGE, my brain gets tired looking at the mess.  Oh my.  I know it will transform, but not without work.  

THE VISION has to have life breathed into her with PEP TALKS along the way.  I love the end results of when a project is completed.  It's that in between period that gets to me.  The air comes right out of me.  Dust myself off and pull myself up by the boot straps.  It will improve and I will hopefully enjoy the fruit of our labor.  

CHRISTMAS has come and gone with the CHRISTMAS tree remaining up.  Twinkle lights are shining and the greenery is still on the fireplace mantle.  Decorations will stay put until January 2nd then the job of stripping the tree will take place grouping the decorations together to place in storage boxes that will be taken to the shed across the river.  Tadaah.  When they rest inside the shed, I will go ahhhhh.  Next week I will be carrying the boxes from the utility room that are there now.  I have to go through them and downsize.  

I so love glancing at the CHRISTMAS TREE all decked out for the HOLIDAY.  This year was no exception.  I went more natural looking than the glassy colorful ornaments.  I love the trees.  I really do and I look forward each year to having a tree decked out for our enjoyment when we celebrate the season with a reason.

Next CHRISTMAS, the tree will go in the COTTAGE DINING ROOM.  I will have a tree even in the tiny COTTAGE.  Greenery will appear above mirrors and pictures plus the beds' headboards. Candles and greenery will be placed about the house with pleasant smelling fragrances permeating the rooms.  It will be CHRISTMAS once again with the little front porch wearing garland, bows and twinkle lights.  Wreaths will hang on the front door where music will be heard coming from inside the tiny house.  Cookies will be baked and Wassail will be on the stove.  Nut crackers will stand in the Dining room and Kitchen.  Hopefully there will be presents under the tree or maybe envelopes on the tree branches waiting to be handed out to loved ones.

Yesterday, we went to town to pay a bill and do some shopping before the new year rings in.  We bought a multitude of organic vegetables, hormone-free milk, a few canned goods.  Before we left town, we went to HOBBY LOBBY, Menards and Walmart.  Yes, of course I picked up 50% and 75% off items to add to our tree next year.  As I thin out older Christmas items, I will ask my girls if they want any of it before I donate for a good cause.  This will be a huge part of downsizing.  HUGE.  I admit, I have so much to get rid of. 

This sweet little Santa ornament only cost a few pennies.  He'll be on next years country tree.

Some jingle bells, Christmas cards, a momma polar bear with cubs, a few nut crackers, a few odds 'n ins ornaments made of galvanized metal, some faux acorns that will not break or rot were bought costing a fraction of what it could have.  The aisle at the stores were still full of items as if CHRISTMAS had not arrived yet.  The after CHRISTMAS sale frenzy was over.  I slowly looked at the items I could choose from.  I walked past this polar bear with cubs, backed up and said, Yep, I like you and I will take you home with me for more winter decor.  Who can have too many polar bears?    

God bless and may we have a blessed new year.

HAPPY NEW YEAR and beyond.

Yes, I will eat more vegetables,
~d

REMEMBERING A GOOD MAN

MY DEAR DAD died 4 years ago today.  He passed away in his sleep after having a horrible stroke eleven days earlier.  I remember waking in the early hours of that morning hearing my sister talking to a nurse in the Hospital hallway.  We were allowed to sleep in the room next to his.  The staff was so kind to make up a bed to sleep in for my Mom beside my Dad. 

They had been married 68 years so it was fitting to allow them to sleep beside each other before he went to Heaven.  He was 90 years and 24 days old. To this day, my Mom is not doing well with his death.  She has many wonderful memories and does not have to be tormented by bad ones.  I don't always know what to say to her when she brings up my Dad.  So I listen as best I can.  

I remember his funeral and the processional where his body was in a beautiful wood coffin as the luxury hearse drove to the cemetery.  I thought, for a man that grew up dirt poor where as a child he had to put cardboard in the bottoms of his shoes and eat a pancake for his school lunch, you wouldn't know it by how he was being buried.  

Dad came from a large German family with 11 children.  His dad was an immigrant that came to America at the age of 16 from Russia.  I don't know if my Grandpa spoke broken English or German.  A few years later when he was 21, he'd marry my 16 year old German Grandmother that was an American citizen born in Nebraska. Together that'd have 11 children, my Dad being the third youngest.  They saw all their children except one grow to adulthood.    

Dad was called the white one because out of all these children, he was the only blonde.  The rest were dark headed.  Dad would graduate from Marion High School and set out to make himself a somebody.  Dad wanted to join the Army, but had asthma and didn't pass the physical. Somewhere in here, Dad took a liking to my Mom who was staying with her older sister that was dating one of my Dad's brothers.

George, my Dad's brother was dating Eyleen, my Mom's single older sister who was the new Home Extension Office employee.  Eyleen rented a small apartment next to George's and Mom came to live with her when Mom was about a 15 years old High School student.  Dad and Mom started dating becoming a couple that went frog hunting out in the country so they said.  Will you marry me happened when Mom was 16 and a half years old and Dad was almost 21.  They'd marry and the rest became history.  To this day, I don't think they ever went frog hunting again.  

Dad worked hard having a very good work ethic.  His father wanted Dad to be a farmer like him, but Dad wanted something else so he worked various jobs before he was advanced becoming a manager for Security Oil Company which was a Service Station in Liberal, Kansas that was open 24/7.  Full service station where men filled the car tanks with whatever fuel you requested. They'd check the oil and wash the windshields.  I don't recall the number of gas pumps the station had, but they also hauled fuel to the local farmers and worked on vehicles in their garage.    

Dad was incredibly busy.  He'd come home for lunch each day, but before he ate he'd change from his work clothes into clean, casual clothing then eat.  He'd take a short nap.  Change his clothing before returning to work.  He'd take a coffee break during his work day as he'd socialize once a day at Sally Ann's Cafe.  He made friends with a frequent customer that was an antique dealer.  This gentleman was my Husband's Grandfather.        

There was a time that Dad would often drive home in a different car.  This was when you could get a great used car for $200.  One day as he was driving his car HOME, he felt something run up his pant leg.  It was a mouse.  

Also he'd bring dogs and cats HOME to us.  One gorgeous cat it was a gorgeous blue point siamese with dynamic blue eyes.  This cat wore a trinket on his collar which was a miniature barrel that opened up bearing the cat's name, Monkey John.  Dad took the cat from some travelers passing through town that were moving across country.  The cat did not ride well in the car.  Monkey John became a wild animal while the car was in motion moving down the highway.  His deep throated meows became war cries from a terrified creature that paced back and forth over the tops of the seats crying for help.  He was not to be consoled so he became my Dad's cat that came to live with us on Roosevelt street.  The place that I call my childhood HOME and stomping grounds.  Monkey John would become an indoor kitty and I'd learn that I was very allergic to cats.  

I can still see the house and yard where memories were created.  

As a little girl, I can still see my Daddy standing tall and slender.  He'd comb his golden locks back and slick it down with hair cream.  Like the commercial slogan, A little dab will do ya.   

Dad was a man that took pride in being clean in his appearance.  He loved my Mom.  You could tell.  He didn't like foul mouthed words, and took pride in his German background.  He wasn't afraid to continue learning as an adult, he'd take adult education classes.  German, Auto Mechanics, Computers, and Photography,   He bowled on a league.  Loved to hunt and fish.  Did wood working.  Told a multitude of jokes in which he always said the punch line twice.  Loved eating buttered white bread at lunch and supper.  Black coffee and sweets.  He even made candy and cookies.  He'd sing, play the harmonica and dulcimer.  He loved cars.  He loved his Mom and was somewhat protective of her as his own father beat on her after he had been drinking alcohol. Dad chose to not be a drinking man. He chose to come home to his wife and family everyday.  He chose to feed and cloth his own children.  He chose to pay his bills.  He chose to be kind.  He chose to be a good man.  He had great faith in God.     

He ministered to many at the Service Station.  A friend to many.  

I can be thankful for him as a parent to me and embrace the good I did learn.  I cannot blame him forever for the things I wish he'd taught me as I have been an adult myself for 47 years. When children are growing up, our parents may or may not be there for us.  The same as when we become adults.  The memories are there good, bad or indifferent.  It's up to us to be the kind of adult that we want to be. Changes are possible.  

Dad wasn't perfect, but he was mighty fine.  

Remembering my Dad,

d   

Dad Passed

It has been a year since you went to heaven.

You are missed.

My Daddy. A very good man with much love. A hard worker and talented guy. He loved my Mom and was a fine example of a human being. Human, yet divine and heavenly minded. He was kind, considerate and honest. He was proud of this country and paid his taxes. Like God with skin on.

DAD, you are seriously missed and loved.
Deanna Fern