A year has passed since my Dad passed away. Thinking back...Our cars weren't running well. We had returned from Amarillo with our daughter and her new husband to see my Mother-in-law in the Heart Hospital with a continuous heart attack lying in bed. Was painful. Heartbreaking. We said our good-byes after our short visit. We should have stayed longer and rented a car to return to Kansas, but we didn't. We would have returned to see her, but had our hands full when our house caught fire.
Two weeks later our house burned where everything in it was either severely smoked damaged, water logged or burned to a crisp. Everything. As we worked on sorting through items, we spent the time in shock as we went through the motions of dealing with all that had to be dealt with. We moved into a tiny cottage and grieved.
A month later, my Dad had a horrific stroke that would take him to HEAVEN. Watching him die was awful. Some comments were said that divides families. Not sure where to go with what was said. We buried Dad on a Saturday.
If that isn't enough, Christmas came and went as we continued to grieve. January arrived and we found ourselves going to Oklahoma to bury my Husband's Mom. Grieving. Trying to keep a stiff upper lip isn't welcomed when you need to grieve. Grieve.
A week after she was buried, my Father-in-law is told he has stage four lung cancer in both lungs. Not given much hope. Our WINTER was spent in this tiny cottage trying to figure out what to do next. Still grieving.
The first day of Spring our textiles that were cleaned after the house fire are returned as well as what couldn't be salvaged. Little returned smelling fresh. Hours are spent going through the rubbish in boxes. More hurts to mend. More emotional healing needed. Seeing what was labeled non-restorable made me weak in the knees and saddened. Non-restorable. I'm suppose to throw away things not memories. I'll wash in jumbo washers what I can and say that Grandma's quilt she made me when I was a child is going to stay with me for awhile longer. That Teddy bear my Hubby gave me will stay with me a while longer. Those Baby blankets my Mom made my children will be stained, but will keep for a while longer. Those pictures that are stained will be placed in new frames and be saved. The list went on and on.
Yes, I know these things are just things and some can be replaced to some extent. But these things are things we sacrificed to buy when it was a struggle to buy them. Things my children made or gave me cannot be replaced. A loss. Things that my Grandparents gave me...destroyed. Things that our Parents gave us as gifts destroyed and damaged. Gifts gone. These things that are things are our things.
I find myself still dealing with the fire recovery as our other home items that were cleaned are returned to us to a storage unit the end of April. Overwhelmed by 675 boxes it will take a while to go through all the boxes to see what was saved and what wasn't. Where's this and where's that? Any bit of organization and order has disappeared as if someone completely tore up our HOME. Molested our HOME.
We spied a house for sell that I had admired for years. We bought her and started moving into the house the 675 boxes out of storage meaning a moving truck is in order to transport the goods. Like another move. Exhausting. Already exhausted, but more to follow.
Some Living room furniture is ordered with more waiting taking place. Then what furniture that the restorers could refinish begins to return to our new location. Tears. Whimpers of amazement. Piecing HOME together has been a LABOR.
Not sure if I'll grow to be a very old woman to look back at this time and say it is good that this season is in the past. My nerves are frayed. Tired. Weakened. Wondering.
Life is short and more than not family and friends have died.
I still can find some laughter and joy in my soul, but I am praying to 'come back to life again' if you catch my drift.
Summer was busy with the piecing back together our HOME. We took an October Vacation. The first Vacation we've taken as an empty nester couple. When the kids were HOME we only had a couple of Vacations. A rare thing for us.
Even if you can't travel somewhere, time needs to be taken to VACATION. Staycation. Stay HOME, but make this time relaxing if possible. Time apart of all of the outside world. Time. Quiet time.
We managed to tidy up most of the house before we had a houseful of company for THANKSGIVING. Managed to make nutritious and delicious meals for all. Managed to have a few laughs and lots of food with conversation.
Resting after the big HOLIDAY only to get ill. Shaking my head and wondering. After a few days on antibiotics I am feeling better. Praise God. Thankful.
The Christmas Tree will be put up soon with twinkling lights and beautiful Christmas ornaments. We didn't have a tree last Christmas. This year I hope to have two up. One in front of the Living room window and another upstairs in one of the bedrooms. Hours of enjoyment glancing at the trees. A little garland above the fireplace mantle. Some sprigs of greenery here and there. Should be nice. A couple of smaller trees on the porch. A Nativity Scene for sure. Hopefully some wreaths on the front door. Hopefully. My stash is migrating from the cottage to our new location. This will be our first CHRISTMAS here across the river from Retirement Cottage. TIME to decorate with what I have. TIME to stop grieving. Take a deep breath and move forward.
What a difficult Season it has been,
d
