Staying Up Late

Stayed up late last night suffering thru on what I call FIRE RECOVERY.

Dear Husband had already gone to bed as the wind howled outside.
The Dining room storm window kept a slamming/rattling beat with the harsh cold wind.  As if to say, "Let me in.  Let me in there with you."

To just sit in the dark and listen to the music it was making might have been an improvement to what I was doing.

Documenting all that I can think of and writing down descriptions, measurements and value to replace items that were damaged has been an occupation going on over the last few months.  Last night as I looked over the pictures, I told myself that I shouldn't work on this LATE AT NIGHT as it would probably make falling asleep harder to do.  I stayed up until after one in the morning.

MY HEART LITERALLY ACHED.  My chest hurt.  My emotions were stirred up.  Thinking out loud...Don't have a heart attack over this...seriously.

The sooner I have this task completed I hope to not have so much of it on my mind.  If possible.

Side by side I will work at making a new inventory with pictures and warranties of replacement items so I have a list of the things we have.  Future recall.  

Seriously think about walking about your HOME and taking pictures of everything in the rooms, in drawers and closets.  In storage, etc.   MAKE SURE YOUR HOME OWNERS INSURANCE POLICY HAS REPLACEMENT VALUE INCLUDED IN THE POLICY. 

Viewing what was damaged makes me very somber.  Explaining the emotions manifesting in me is in a league all its own.  Trauma does that.  It's classified in a league all its own.  One can have sympathies without going through the exact thing but when going through a similar event others may react differently.  Always a league of its own.  Similar, but not exact.  Individual heartache and hardship.  INDIVIDUAL.  You may think you can identify with it and maybe you can, but taking ownership of the emotions and trauma are individual.

Still it goes along ways to tell someone that you're so sorry that this has happened.  It goes a very long ways especially from family members and loved ones.  Friends.  Total strangers have been very kind to us.  Total strangers.  I must embrace this and recall that they cared.  

I must recall the caring Family members.  My children cared.  My Mother cared.  My In-Laws cared.  My Husband cared.  I cared.

This recovery is ongoing and will take a long time to piece everything back in order.  I already know that some of this HAS TO be taken slow...some fast.

I grew in a way difficult to put into the human language what this did to me.  Also seeing my Father dying made a change in me that I cannot explain completely in human words.  I cannot explain what seeing him die did.  He'd pass away going to heaven.  

I saw a difference in those that think OLD people have lived long enough...let them die.  I have issues to deal with concerning family members and how they responded to all of this.  I matured with a backbone.  There are times that we are not going to agree with other family members.  There will be times that we separate the goats from the lambs.  Separate the weeds from the grass.  Find out just who does have a heart and those that are callus.  God help me to forgive, but I don't think I can forget. 

I learned more about the fallen nature of mankind.  I learned more about how not to act or live.  I learned more about how NOT to treat others.  Mercy.  It was difficult.     

Concerning the fire, there were very few sorries if any from some of my siblings and their spouses.  Which was very painful and disappointing.  Very.  This alone was eye opening.  This alone was difficult to take.  First, I have to take ownership over how I feel.  Not ignore the pain then I must forge ahead and not dwell on this ugly.  AND IT IS UGLY.

I can pray that God bless them because they need blessed by HIM in a way that helps their stony hearts warm to flesh.  In no way am I perfect, but I know full well that if their HOUSES/HOMES had burned, blew up, blew away or were swallowed up that I would at least ask, "How are you doing?"

To what horrible thing did I do that would cause silence from them?  LORD, are they so cold that I didn't notice?  I am at a place that I have to ask.  Over the years I have had to say I'm sorry.  I still believe it was correct to say I'm sorry.  I must forgive and not dwell on hurt feelings or disappointment.  I think there are times you may NEVER receive a comforting word from family...you may never receive an apology when one is needed.  What then?

Pray and give this concern to the LORD.  Release the pain to HIM and deal kinder toward people going through very trying things.  Kinder.  More considerate.  Be more like the total strangers that were kinder to you than those that should have been.  Don't expect so much from Family even when family is suppose to care.  BE MORE.  Be the JESUS with skin on.  If you can.  

My mentally ill brother came through for us with a sorry.  He has come through for me on other occasions that were difficult to go through.  Because one is mentally ill does not necessarily mean you stop caring.  He cared.  He was considerate.  I must return sympathy to him.  Send more cards and letters.  Phone calls made.  Hugs.  Cash.  Gifts.  LOVE.

Because you may be a mentally healthier person does not mean you have a heart or care.  You may be heartless.  Callus.  Cold.  Need a transfusion.  

The FIRE Recovery is PAINFUL.  SOBERING.  SAD.  EYE OPENING.  Much prayer is needed and organizational skills to get a handle on the next chapter in LIFE 
BECAUSE this book I was in came to an end.  

LORD, What would you have me to learn from all of this?

PAUSE.

I would rather get along with Family, but not at any cost.  Family isn't your all in all.  Just because we are blood relatives does not mean blood relatives are loyal or caring.  We are passing through this world.  Don't worship things.  Worship God.  Appreciate the things, but don't worship them.  Have order.  Streamline.  No excess baggage.  Freedom.  Owe no man anything, but LOVE.  Have a heart.  Be sympathetic, but loyal to God.

Switch gears.

SNOW.  Was hoping we'd get at least one more deep snow before EASTER.  Not sure that's going to happen as the temps continue to swirl upwards and some flowers are BLOOMING.

I noticed in the front FLOWER BED that there are tiny, delicate, yellow Jonquils smiling at me.  They are beautiful.  FIRST SIGNS OF SPRING.  I looked twice yesterday as I went to wipe an old dried coffee splash off of the front storm door.  SPRING CLEANING STARTED.

The Jonquils caught my eye as I stuck my head out the door to remove the coffee stains.  Finally I remembered to wipe that old coffee off the door that I know has been there for months.  Months.  It easily wiped away with a baby wipe same as the dirty markings off a light switch indoors.

I will baby my housekeeping.  She needs lots of loving, gentle attention.

This SPRING will be very different as we are no longer living at the OLD ROCK HOUSE where every SPRING DAY I deliberately looked at the blooming flowers as they decided to pop open to display their GLORY.  Everyday.

While I lived there that was one LOVE that came to LIFE as I grew fonder of flowers especially Irises. The greenery with splashes of color turned my crank sort of speak.  Husband became a Gardener and I became an Admirer.

We have some flowers planted here and will add to the numbers a little at a time as TIME/HEALTH permits.  We have some Irises that need planted that are resting in boxes.  Heirloom Irises that splash colors of PURPLE and smell like bubble gum.  These were the first Irises that I noticed had a SWEET SMELL to them and not the kind that I was use to in Southwest Kansas.  I did not know that Irises could smell so nice.  SWEET.  I didn't know until we moved to this location in the Flint Hills at our rock house.

I suppose in a way I am grieving not living in the rock house anymore.  I had to say Good-bye as we do away with her.

Irises are beautiful to look at, but the fragrance put off is usually awful.  When we discovered the sweet smell of these heirloom irises it was a wonderful surprise.  We will relocate these Irises after they bloom and can be relocated without damaging them.  

You know how you look at a rose and go to sniff it thinking it is going to smell sweet and it has no fragrance at all?  A dud.  A HUGE DISAPPOINTMENT IF YOU ASK ME.

Be right back.  Have to go grab a cup of coffee.  BREAK TIME.

Good hot coffee with some creamer in it is my newest best friend as I enjoy sipping until the coffee is cold and then I still enjoy.  THRIFT CUPS are working nicely as they hold this hot beverage.  The month of MARCH is in a few hours.  Ready for MARCH.  This will be the month I work hard and heavy on our FIRE RECOVERY.

The wind has come in like a lion and hopefully will go out like a lamb.  What a month March will be.

MARCH ON DEAR ONE and be blessed.
HOME Life is for me,
d

Gonna Do Some Laundry

If you talk this way, 

I understand where you're coming from 

or where you've come from.

Also if you say FER instead of FOR.

example.....i'm goin to the store fer some potatoes.

u iz from southwest Kansas or da midwest?

Have a really nice day,

d

Regrets...i have a few

Corelle Stoneware Almost LIFE SIZE

REGRETS, I have a few.  Just some lyrics in a song that Frank Sinatra sang in "I Did It My Way"....no.  We were dining last night at a restaurant that was playing easy to listen music with Frankie singing.  Regrets, I have a few.....I do have a few regrets, but try really hard to not dwell on them.  I do dwell.  Too much.  Learning a lesson and admitting that I wish I had done some things differently sometimes just gets in the road of not growing up.  

Holding onto the bad for far too long makes one sad.  Stagnates growth.  Perhaps that's intentional so one cannot mature.  It seems safe to hang on to some pain so no new pain enters the picture because if you are tied down to the old there will be no energy for a new pain.  Obligated to the old FOREVER.

Needing to take ownership of our actions is a big part of taking responsibility for the way somethings go.

Healing doesn't seem to be easy, but it's necessary for being healthier.

A small REGRET that needs to be let go of so I can get on with LIFE is Once upon a time we visited a family member that had some challenges and I regret that we did not mail her some coffee cups as a gift.  To this day I regret that we didn't do this.  Hers were broken and glued back together.   I have to forgive myself and go on as she doesn't need coffee cups anymore.

Not to be a philosopher, but who doesn't wish they had done somethings differently?  If you had done them the way you wish you had done them, would you still be wishing that you had done some things differently?  Isn't it an ongoing saga that truthfully you'll never know how it would have gone if you had done things differently, because.....even then things can back-fire or kick you in the teeth.  Even then.  

How would I know when dealing with hindsight?  More acts of kindness and less thinking how it should have been if I had just done thus and so.  Just accept that new acts of kindness can take place and that's alright.  

So ask for forgiveness from God and continue on.  Having closure by casting down those things.  

KEEP LOOKING 

Made the decision to pitch the oversized coffee mugs we've had for a few years after seeing that the interior of the cups were what I'd call pitty.  Had pin size holes that could allow bacteria to grow and contaminate the beverage.  SO bye-bye they went with no other human using them ever again.

They were attractive white mugs with gold or silver designs on them.  I liked 'em a lot....so to actually THROW them away was a  effort on my part.  Since going through the fire sort of speak...it has been a tad bit easier to part with my THANGS.

I put my big girl panties on and did the right thing.  Hubby supported me on this one as he threw the majority of coffee mugs into the waste can for us.

As we were THRIFT SHOPPING on Thursday evening, I picked up 8 matching white winter frost stoneware coffee cups that made their way to our humble abode at RETIREMENT COTTAGE.  Corelle Stoneware.

Liked the size, shape and safe white color that matches the china we have replaced our burned/charred dishes with.

THERE IS NO SHORTAGE OF THINGS TO BUY IN AMERICA ESPECIALLY COFFEE CUPS OR MUGS.  Wonder of wonders!  We can have coffee cups running out of our ears when paying only 50 cents a cup on a nice one.  Cheaper than getting a Starbucks or McDonalds economy style DRINK.

50 cents.  That's pocket change.  8 times .50 = only $4.00 plus tax.  For under $5 we have very nice coffee cups to sip our hot beverages out of and don't have to use the palm of our hands.

No regrets about this,
d

White Bunny

No camera with us as we drove our little town.

Snagged this BUNNY off the internet.

We were asking where's ALICE 

when we saw a white bunny in someone's yard.  

It's not unusual to see squirrels and jack rabbits jumping about outside with Mother Nature not complaining of their little existance,  
but we saw a real BUNNY that made me look twice.  

Beautiful.

Fluffy.

County Fair First Place Blue Ribbon
Award Winning BUNNY.

It's been SPRING like 

and perhaps the EASTER BUNNY was early.

TONIGHT the winds changed direction with cold weather returning.

Where's BUNNY tonight?

Haven't a clue.

Winter has returned....sigh.

Hot chocolate please,

d

Clucking

Faintly... hearing Church bells chiming in the distance.  Just  b  a  r  e  l  y  hear them.  Barely.  The sound reminds me that this is where I live.  Small Town America.  Church Bells chiming during the daylight hours every hour on the hour and again on the half hour.  When chiming a song it's difficult to hear the Hymn.  I NEED THEE EVERY HOUR.  Rarely I hear the complete tune or the bonging of what hour it is.

If I'm driving the neighborhood when the chimes sing then I can hear the melody.  There's been a few times that I rolled the car window down so I could hear the music. 

It's not a distraction to me as I love music.  Controlled harmony.  The trains and the chickens are a different matter.  I cannot seem to tune these things out as if I did not notice.    

When the next door neighbor's chickens cluck farm language, I hear them.  Yesterday I heard someone clapping their hands as they rounded up the hens to go into their coop at 4 in the afternoon.  They sometimes make an escape out of their yard.  Bobbing their heads as they walk about my flower border searching for bugs.  They seem to stay together as a clan.  If the neighbors move away the chicken coop might stay behind.  Not sure, but the neighbors are heading east to Kansas City for greener pastures and this may not allow them chickens in their subdivision.  

I am city-fied as I enjoy picking up my eggs from a grocery store or from someone that sells their farm eggs.  I haven't had the passion to have chickens cluck in the back yard.  Living in the country is a different matter.  

Our Grocery Store is returning to the area.  PRAISE GOD.  A Dollar General moved in and she's a hit, but I desire a Grocery Store as well.  Small towns should have Grocery Stores.  I can visualize a SONIC beside the DG.  A pipe dream.   

It's quieter here today on the prairie.  Just a little breeze that rattles the Dining room storm window.  The Dining room is presently being used for a Family room where the television sits.  I have a desk in here along with a small buffet as our actual Dining room furniture is being repaired after our house fire over at the rock house.  We are cramped at RETIREMENT COTTAGE.  Cramped.  It is going to take some time to downsize some more to fit in comfortably.  A tight squeeze.  TIGHT.  Did I say tight?  Yes, t.i.g.h.t. 

It is beginning to bother me that our belongings are in hiding elsewhere at the hands of another.  When the furniture is finished being repaired then we will return this room to a Dining room.  The Doll furniture in the front room will have to be moved to another part of the cottage as the television will be in the front room once again with our comfy chairs we use in the evening.

Yesterday I could hear a constant buzz in the air as the company across the railroads tracks were working at crushing rock.  Occasionally birds chirped as the weather was like SPRING.  Gloriously. 

Today another NICE Spring-like day?  Grey skies.  Cooling down a tad.

I am about to get my walking shoes on and take a walk around the block.  I remember when I was a young child one of the neighbor ladies walked the neighborhood with her arms behind her back with her hands clasp as she looked down at the grass growing in the yards.  She was getting fresh air and time to stretch her legs.  She lived alone and I no longer remember her name.  I can see her in my thoughts.  Mrs. ?.  

She was faithful to take her walks.  No head banging for her.  No tattoos.  Slow walking.  

I told my Husband the other day that if I had the money I would buy my childhood HOME and live there.  He doesn't have the desire to live in LIBERAL, KS again.  I think I could.  It wouldn't be the same, but I think the house is tiny enough that we wouldn't have hardly any utilities to pay.  A get away house.  My age is showing.  The desire to take things slow and breathe are acting up.

After reading that a childhood friend's Husband had been in a bad auto accident, went into a coma and had died, I sighed.  I kissed my Husband.  Life is a gift and each day we are to do what we are to do.  At 61, my doings have changed a great deal.  It is an ongoing adventure, but I am not completely ignorant as to what I am to do.  LIVE.  

I need to get around, make the bed, get dressed, eat some cottage cheese.  I have a full afternoon lined out.  Slowly the things in the house that need relocated to another area are needing attention.  We will have to get a storage unit lined up as we prepare for our belongings to return to us from being cleaned and fixed from the house fire.

Being real and being prepared are part of getting on with LIFE after a house fire.  The things that can be cleaned will be and then returned.  I am still struggling with all of this.  It really happened.  Not a dream.  It is the new norm that has taken shape as we recover from destruction.  I have hopes of moving forward.  This type of downsizing is not recommended.  It is awful.  Being at peace that no one was killed, injured or hurt is a process as well.  It is an ongoing process that sinks into my soul a little at a time.  

With our insurance policy the company try to rescue what they can, clean it, repair it before having it replaced.  READ your insurance policies and see if it says this is the procedure they follow.  REPLACEMENT should be in the policy.  A very worthwhile thing.  REPLACEMENT.

When we are replacing furniture we are to replace the furniture with like kind and quality.  Still looking for Living room furniture and bedroom furniture.  We lost an antique bedroom suite with mattress and box springs.  Our Master Bedroom suite is being repaired.  The mattress and box have been replaced.  Another double mattress and box will have to be ordered.  My Husband's Grandparents Bedroom Suite is being repaired.

It's an on going process that takes a lot of brain cells to deal with.  Emotional health and physical bodies have to be nursed.  The spirit is real and should not be ignored.  Eat lots of veggies and drink purified water.  

Don't forget to take your vitamins and pray,
d

Desert Rose And Me

DESERT ROSE

I packed my share of my Mother's Dishes that she is splitting between my sister and me.  I had told my Mom that she didn't need to split the set up.  It would be alright with me if she gave me something else instead and gave the complete set to my older sister.

She was adamant about splitting them so that's what we did.  I was HAPPY to receive whatever she wanted to give me.  Her China Cabinet is now empty and ready to be relocated to her smaller apartment.  She'll have less to store in it after her move.  She'll still have lots of glassware...just not her Desert Rose Dishes by Franciscan.  

She told me she'd be using more of her casual Corning ware.  She loves it.  Light weight and casual.  I just so happened to have some Corning ware that I asked her if she'd like it.  So I gave her some more of the style she has.  

Desert Rose
I did not have a clue.

Having a BETTER day today after having had a bummer of a day the day before.  I know when I get too tired it affects me in a very negative way.  There are ways to pace myself, but when I get OVER THE TOP TIRED there is little mercy for smiling.

When I worked at my Mom's I was already too tired to be packing as I am still resting after the death of my Mother.in.law after Christmas, after my Dad's death, after the house fire.  Picking up the pieces has been very taxing.  Left tired before we drove to Saint Louis.  It's a long haul, but wanted to see our Son and Grandson as he celebrated a birthday.  We had a very nice visit.  Very nice.

Think the weather is the start of SPRING.  Quick trip and HOME again.  The truck traffic makes me tense.  We got HOME.  I'm still unpacking.  Unpacking things my Mom gave me to add to our estate.  Today I thumbed through some cookbooks she gave me, unpacked goodies.  Went through some pictures that made my want to cry.  My hormones are holding hands with the past and it was more than I could handle.  Tear.

I finished writing bereavement thank you cards.  They will be mailed tonight as I go downtown.  The sounds of a rumbling train echoes in the near distance.  SPRING is nearing.  

It's Tuesday.  Checking out interior design the old fashion way via magazine.  Heart swells with interest.  Computer searches on fashion and furniture.  Types of house styles.  Tomorrow I have to go through the bills, write out a bunch and drop off in the mail.  Will need to get more stamps.

I have got to go soak in the tub.  SOAK for an hour as I want to unwind, shave, and scrub the grunge off the bottom of my heels.  

With age, it is like my heels manufacture excessive gunk that doesn't need to be there.  Like whah already.

Hopefully I will get to watch PBS and see how the Civil War is going and then Queen Victoria will rule and reign in her neck of the woods.  Always paper work to do.  

Blessings to you and yours.
Are you able to relax in your HOME?
I am, but it seems the messes are piling up and I have to side step around them.  Glad another day has been good.

God Bless,
d

THE GLEANERS

Speak the truth in love.
I attempt to be more loving, but admit I don't always come across meek and mild.
Holding my tongue isn't one of my strong points.
Getting better at it as I mature, but it's still not one of my strong points.
It's difficult for me to know how to speak the truth in love.
Especially when the ones I'm speaking to don't want to hear what I have to say concerning whatever it is I'm about to say.
Several family members live with their lust interest and aren't married.  And the babies born out of wedlock continue to increase.
What is culturally accepted has morphed into a different animal.
Praying about challenges and praying some more.
d

LORD Have Mercy

Tonight I am beyond tired.  Almost ill.  Overdoing it isn't difficult for me these days.  I rested this evening and hope to sleep in a little later than early.  Driving across the prairie on a pleasant day of 73 degrees with powder blue skies.  Wispy white clouds.  Surveying the landscape seeing golden blonde grasses caused a peace to come over me.  The long drive was quiet.  Peaceful.

When I arrived HOME I was so tired.  Sat in my chair and sighed.  So tired.

Helping my Mom go through her belongings and boxing up her glass pretties made me a busy person that lifted boxes and carried.  The weight of this made me tired that she is preparing to relocate to a smaller apartment.

Hoping to return we will go through her clothing and thin out her store.  She could open a clothing store, but her personal inventory is hers to keep.  Her hobby.  She needs something to call her own just not so much to crowd her new closet that will be three closets smaller than she will have. 



Down sizing at 84.

I helped her box up her china cabinet, entertainment center and curio shelves.  We didn't make much of a dent.  You know how your hands get so ink covered when using newspaper to wrap items in?  After washing my hands with soap and water my hands were still ink dirty.  Washed some more.

Mom has a unique way of getting much more in her china cabinet than you'd think.  While I was unloading the glassware there were a multitude of booby traps where the glassware was leaning just so-so and when one piece of glass was moved another started moving in which you'd have to catch it before it went whopper jaw and got away from you.

I managed to uncover some nice crystal glasses and pitcher.  Over in a corner of her cabinet was another pile of crystal snack dishes and matching stemware.  I know I take after her with a love of glassware.  When I regain my china cabinet after it is refinished from fire damage, I will rethink what I will place in it.  One pattern of china with some crystal will be the theme I will strive for.  


Taking a break we chit chatted about assisted living and nursing homes, the expense of them.  I shared with her I don't know how we will afford to pay for assisted living or a nursing home due to the expense.  At the rate we're going, I'm not sure we'd be allowed inside their door.

LORD have mercy,
d

Valentine's Day To You

HAPPY VALENTINE's DAY

GOD bless and all the best

to you this Valentine's Day.  

You are LOVED.

Hugs,

d

Parlor Furniture For Now

For the time being as we get settled 

in RETIREMENT COTTAGE

I moved my doll furniture into the living room.

I was working toward having a doll room 

in our old rock house.  It didn't happen.

House fire.

We moved into RETIREMENT COTTAGE.

WHICH IS EXTREMELY SMALL AND COZY.

Praying for God's best for us.

It's temporary as we will hopefully purchase 

modern day living room furniture after more time goes by 

and I find just the right sofa and two chairs and ottoman.

The search has begun.

Parlour furniture puts a smile on my face 

just as soon as I enter the house.

Pleasant for the time being and so glad I have this in my HOME.

HOME LIFE is for me,

d

Broken Heart

The sun set and cooler air has moved into town.  A very SPRING-LIKE week-end where I could have lingered for days on end.  Awesome weather.  

Now tomorrow may be a different story here in Kansasland.  Sometime in MARCH I would LOVE a deep snow just before it starts warmer toward a seasonal change.  One more snow Dear Lord.  Please.

Husband started building a kitchen cabinet for my new everyday china.  Soon all will be in this piece beside the pantry.  The present cabinet that will emptied of dishes will be filled with cooking and baking staples along with bakeware.  As he worked on constructing this new cabinet it appeared that he really enjoyed building this new cabinet.  Praise God.  He didn't always like working on home projects, but he has seen the light.


Valentine's Day is coming.  Think I will take my SWEETHEART out for LUNCH.  

I bought a regular box of candy and also some sugar-free Russell Stovers.  The metal box in the shape of a heart with embossed design had a handful of WHITMAN Candies inside.  Delicious.  Think I will surprise Hubby and fill the metal heart with sugar-free candies.  He'll be surprised.


I don't want to throw away the heart.  I'm am such a pack rat.  Well.  Recycling and using it again.  Maybe keep something in it for keepsakes.  Most all of my keepsakes were damaged and destroyed in our OCTOBER HOME FIRE.  The upstairs bedroom that housed antique bedroom furniture that had my sentimental keepsake things in it was destroyed.  The keepsakes were burned, smoked damaged and water logged to the point of mildew damaged.

That was a hard day for me when the men carried what was left of the furniture to the yard where I sat looking over what was going to be thrown away into a dumpster.  The furniture was completely destroyed beyond repair.  Charred. 

The mattress and box springs were burned up to where the bedsprings had fallen through the bedroom floor into the kitchen below.  Springs in the kitchen confused me for a short time when I asked myself what are bedsprings doing in my kitchen?  Duh. 

Fire Damaged Kitchen

Then it hit me, Deanna the kitchen ceiling is gone and the bed was above this.  Or what was the kitchen ceiling.  The old oak headboard and footboard were partially hinged between the bedroom floor and into the kitchen ceiling.  The bedding all gone.  The things on the bed and under the bed gone.

My antique armoire/wardrobe was charred.  The antique bassinet basket with picnic baskets that were on top of the wardrobe were burnt.  The Princess vanity was devoured.  An antique sewing machine gone.  My Singer sewing machine gone.  Lots of clothing, tablecloths and table runners gone.

The clothing in the closet were melted.  The sentimental things from my childhood and young adulthood were so damaged.  

Dried flowers that I have kept for years from my Grandmas funerals were mildewed.  Beyond dried.  Two pillows my Grandma made me when I was a child were damaged.  I just sniffed them and there is no smoke smell, but somewhat black.   I'll launder them and see if they will spring back after they have aired out in the out of doors.  

A picture of airdate puppies that I had eyeballed at the antique mall for years that my Husband bought for me was charred on the wall.  We weren't able to reach it as it was unreachable because of the floor being gone.



The pull down vinyl shades were no longer there but instead a amber colored discolored smudge was left on the windows.

Dolls were burned.  SO much I cannot even think of all that was damaged.  The chandy in what I called the sweet room was cut down.  I'm going to try to clean the individual crystals and use them for Christmas decorations.  The metal crown that was attached to the chandelier was warped from the intense heat in that room.What was once sparkling clear crystal is now chocolate brown glass.  Sigh.

Enough.  I will probably leak some grief out occasionally as I write.  It will help me get through this phase of life as we regroup at RETIREMENT COTTAGE.  I go along alright for a short time then get exhausted thinking about the fire.  Replacing items.  Rethinking what was destroyed.

Yes, they are just things, but they were our things that we struggled and sacrificed to pay for, collected over 42 years of marriage also some things which I had since a wee child or were gifts to us through the years.  Our things.  God will help us get through this.  We cannot take anything with us after we take our last breaths.  This does make it easier for me to give things to my kiddos and to others.

I will encourage myself and others to keep accurate records and descriptions of items for future references.  Keep records and accounts in several areas not just in the house as they can still be destroyed.  Pictures help even after the destruction if there is anything remaining to photograph.  Lord have mercy.

This is what I prayed as I was standing across the street watching the firefighters work on our home fire....Lord have mercy.  Lord please watch over the fighters.  Lord have mercy.  

When a home fire is going on, you don't know what is burning up as it is burning.  

I didn't have a clue what smoke damage does and what the water coming from the hoses is doing inside a home.  

After you are allowed to go back inside of your house, the shock of the damage can make you go numb.    NUMB.

As it all soaks in...it takes some time for it to soak in.  There have been days that I sat and had to keep my eyes closed because I didn't have the strength to open them though I was awake.  Before  the fire, my Mother.in.law was on her death bed.  She'd recover, but have to be life flighted two more times during our fire  and recovery.  As I was working on fire recovery and insurance, my dear Dad had a stroke and would die 11 days later.  There would be the grieving and preparing to bury him.  Then Christmas would come and the New Year still grieving and resting.  Still working on the fire recovery.   My Mother.in.law did pass away.  We made preparations to bury her.  I am working on writing thank you cards and I will be helping my Mother prepare for a move into a smaller apartment.

I am very tired.  Must pace myself as best I can.  I am worn.  Little by little the Cottage is taking shape and we are better settled in this small pleasant COTTAGE.  I rejoice we have this place to rest and call HOME for now.  I must take my vitamins and rest.  Pray and rest.  Get out to get fresh air.  Pray some more and sleep well at night.  Stretch and turn.  Write things out and rejoice.

Rejoice in the Lord alway: and again I say, Rejoice.  Philippians what?  Have to look that one up.  Philippians 4:4. 

 Are you recovering from a traumatic event 

or piecing together a broken heart?  

My heart goes out to you.  

May you have a better Valentine's Day 

than you expected.  Know that you have value 

and worth.  You do.

You are loved,

d

BABY PICTURES of Anthony

ANTHONY WEARING HIS DADDY'S CLOTHING

ANTHONY @6 MONTHS OLD

ANTHONY 1 YEAR OLD

ANTHONY 18 MONTHS OLD