HAPPY NEW YEAR! Tis the eve of a new year. 2023. That's looks a bit odd to me as it is futuristic to the little child still inside of me that remembers LIFE in the 50s, 60s, 70s, 80s, 90s and early 2000s as if they were yesterday. Pause. Blink. Sigh.
Collecting memories along the way, I don't want to stop making new memories just yet. I am after all old with a young inner self. My packaging is wrinkled and crinkled, but that's the way it is. I need to continue on my journey and see what's out there for someone approaching 70 years of age. If I be so blessed, I will deliberately look for ways to stay busy and productive.
What is it that I am suppose to do at this point in LIFE? I have given this lots of thought. I am to be a light in the darkness. I am to be a Christian HOMEMAKER and wife even if the world says you can't be that. You take up too much space and free load too many carbon prints. duh. What does that really mean? Society doesn't like it when people live their lives married and committed to one spouse. They don't like it when a woman stays HOME as a HOMEMAKER raising a family walking uprightly before the LORD. They don't like anything godly or Christian.
The medical field full of doctors are pushing a death agenda when people hit 80 years of age even though they took the Hippocratic oath. Or are they hypocrites indulging in hypocrisy?
The medical field was bought out with JOHN D. ROCKEFELLER's money that he charmed the industry with a while back.
What he wanted the bright and upcoming medical doctors to practice was allopathy where pharmaceutical medicines are pushed so he could line his pockets with more money. He wanted drugs to be pushed and natural remedies silenced as natural does not make as much money as big Pharma. Surgeries and drugs were his thing as he promoted his personal agenda with his mind set being the golden standard practiced by young students being taught to be a physician.
He wanted doctors to ignore getting to the bottom of what is causing the health issues and use medicines to quiet the symptoms. A cover-up. The cause of the illness was still there just soothed over with drugs.
Nothing quite like taking medicines that make you sicker so you become a cash cow to the medical system. Sick? Here take these drugs and by the way they will have side effects that you think you have to tolerate, but they cause other issues which you more than likely will return to your doctor looking for healing in which more test can be ran with more visits to your general M.D. that will not investigate as to why you are ill in the first place. Take the meds and shut-up. No whining allowed. Anti-depressants will help calm you as the fluoride in the water you drink makes you complacent ignoring the illnesses in your temple. Do I sound rather vulgar and sort of like a conspiracy theorist? Okay, I can live with that. Not a problem.
When my 90 year old father lay dying from a stroke in a comfortable hospital bed, the well trained physician implied, well he has lived a long life...let him die. Say your good-byes. Yes, he had lived a long life, but to let him starve to death made me angry that this was the acceptable way to say good-bye.
His dying process brought the worst out of my family. One family member said to me that I was IGNORANT and self-centered. I was accused of yelling at the doctors and nurses when the person that accused me of yelling wasn't even there. I only had compliments for the nurses. If there was yelling, it wasn't I doing the yelling. Somebody fed them misinformation and they believed it over the truth. Well hello. Why would they do this? To put division between us. To make themselves feel superior than the lowly daughter.
I am a threat because I am a stay at home HOMEMAKER that doesn't have to prove my value. I have value and they don't know what it is. I believe deep down they were threatened that I stayed HOME through the years when they wouldn't. They seem to ignore that my husband was laid off from employment for 9 months. We managed to stay afloat with three children and a dog living in a rental that needed tender loving care. We have had some rough waters to navigate through as husband and wife not just because of unemployment. I am a threat to many because I stayed married, was a homemaker and stay-at-home mom when it appeared I should have done otherwise which made sense to their way of thinking. Ignoring the fact that I moved umpteen times with my husband's work and sometimes that moving landed us in sub-quality living conditions, I was a threat. It wasn't always pretty nor was it comfortable to go through all the moving around we did.
I forgive them and hope they grow a heart. They know not what they do. I do not have to agree with them and that's alright. Nor do I desire to stay upset at them. They went their way and I went mine.
Concerning my Dad's end of life journey, I was told, "For God's sake, he is 90 years old."
What do they really know? They're brilliant. They made the grade. They had good paying jobs, but what happened to their heart along the way? According to one family member, their parent is a superior human who walks the higher road, but I know first hand that I am in the valley gathering flowers and thanking God for the beauty He has made for me to enjoy while here on earth.
As badly as I want family members to just get along, sometimes a relationship dies even if we want it to stay alive. It may be painful and lonely without them, but God will comfort and help one get over the pain. He has something better than hurt feelings. Amen.
When adverse things happen in our lives, God still loves us and cares for us. We may be in a valley so we are forced to lie down in green pastures then lead us beside the still waters for his namesake.
He maketh me to lie in green pastures. He restoreth my soul. While we are down in a valley, we may change our way of thinking and deliberately look for something of substance other than what we had. Seeing things through different eyes than before. We can become a better person lying in the green pastures where before we walked all over the covering not noticing how refreshing the lying down would be. A different perspective can come forth. May it be for the better and we don't get bitter.
Having a sabbath from the everyday grind is refreshing. Dear Lord, Your ways are higher than ours and you know what is good for us. You desire good things for your children. You desire a personal relationship with us on the good days and on the not so good days. Amen.
23 The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.
2 He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters.
3 He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake.
4 Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.
5 Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over.
6 Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord for ever.
Psalm 23 was my Dad's favorite scripture. I can see why.
I hope I am as fortunate as my dad to live to be 90, but I don't want to starve to death because the doctor says I have lived past 80 which is long enough. When we age, we more than likely still need medical attention. We may have medical issues that probably cost the system more than they want to spend. Even if insured. Especially if insured. The more money they keep, the better it is for their investments that they have made with our money we paid them over the years. Give me, give me, give me and the system is happy that they can keep all that was given. There may be no return on what we paid them as they will see to it that they get to keep the money and not use it to help us out with what we paid for. Fraud comes to mind. Greed. Insult.
It's more financially feasible to let those costing THE SYSTEM too much money die than help them stay alive. Money over ethics. What is it that GOD says about the love of money is the root of all evil? Yes, it is. Yes, it is.
Dad got to be 90 by the grace of God and by having determination to live LIFE as a good and honest man that wanted to live as long as he could. HE WAS A FIGHTER. I am not ashamed to say I wanted my father to live longer even if he were over 80. I am not ashamed that I believed he should not be starved to death. He went quietly when he died. He is in heaven. I will see him again when I get there. AND yes there is a heaven.
As Hubby and I downsize, we are changing. I can't be so sentimental over gum wrappers and pop cans. All the tools he has collected have to be organized with neatness and order. My dish collection has to shrink. Part of the problem is that I COLLECT a multitude of THINGS. Dishes, dolls, pictures, dishes, clothing, purses, lipstick, nail polish, books, mugs, furniture, dishes, knick knacks, dishes, magazines, blah, blah, blah. Hubby loves pencils, pens, paper, tools....
I wish the downsizing were already done, but it AINT. I have to enjoy the dance like good 'ole Garth Brooks sings about. We spent years building up our estate and it is taking years to downsize. We are slowly inching along the path of downsizing.
The COTTAGE needs significant remodeling before we move in and call it HOME. Yesterday, we found some khaki colored cordless shades that will be hung in the newly remodeled storage side of the COTTAGE garage.
Six months went into remodeling the storage side of the garage in which we call THE SHED. The shed was full of chaos and mess. Boxes were full of stuff that needed cleaned out and dealt with. JUNK was piled in the shed that had to be cleared out and when the shed was cleaned out, the walls revealed water damage that had ruined the existing paneling. Warped and ugly.
The door was replaced and the three windows repaired. The paneling was removed and replaced with new sheet rock and new paneling. The ceiling paneling was removed and the same was done with sheet rock and new paneling. New light switch covers and trim put up, new light fixtures hung, a wall painted and the concrete floor painted. A very much needed overhaul was done.
Muscle racks are making their way over to the shed to store Holiday Decor until the cellar is worked over. Breaking them down and transporting them then setting them back up, does some doing. Snap and it's done isn't a reality. Planning and work is.
We did it. Hubby is a wizard when it comes to projects like this one. He's a one man crew with me being his clumsy side kick assisting with whatever. He tells me that our 'lil COTTAGE will look just as good when we get done. When I look about the COTTAGE, my brain gets tired looking at the mess. Oh my. I know it will transform, but not without work.
THE VISION has to have life breathed into her with PEP TALKS along the way. I love the end results of when a project is completed. It's that in between period that gets to me. The air comes right out of me. Dust myself off and pull myself up by the boot straps. It will improve and I will hopefully enjoy the fruit of our labor.
CHRISTMAS has come and gone with the CHRISTMAS tree remaining up. Twinkle lights are shining and the greenery is still on the fireplace mantle. Decorations will stay put until January 2nd then the job of stripping the tree will take place grouping the decorations together to place in storage boxes that will be taken to the shed across the river. Tadaah. When they rest inside the shed, I will go ahhhhh. Next week I will be carrying the boxes from the utility room that are there now. I have to go through them and downsize.
I so love glancing at the CHRISTMAS TREE all decked out for the HOLIDAY. This year was no exception. I went more natural looking than the glassy colorful ornaments. I love the trees. I really do and I look forward each year to having a tree decked out for our enjoyment when we celebrate the season with a reason.
Next CHRISTMAS, the tree will go in the COTTAGE DINING ROOM. I will have a tree even in the tiny COTTAGE. Greenery will appear above mirrors and pictures plus the beds' headboards. Candles and greenery will be placed about the house with pleasant smelling fragrances permeating the rooms. It will be CHRISTMAS once again with the little front porch wearing garland, bows and twinkle lights. Wreaths will hang on the front door where music will be heard coming from inside the tiny house. Cookies will be baked and Wassail will be on the stove. Nut crackers will stand in the Dining room and Kitchen. Hopefully there will be presents under the tree or maybe envelopes on the tree branches waiting to be handed out to loved ones.
Yesterday, we went to town to pay a bill and do some shopping before the new year rings in. We bought a multitude of organic vegetables, hormone-free milk, a few canned goods. Before we left town, we went to HOBBY LOBBY, Menards and Walmart. Yes, of course I picked up 50% and 75% off items to add to our tree next year. As I thin out older Christmas items, I will ask my girls if they want any of it before I donate for a good cause. This will be a huge part of downsizing. HUGE. I admit, I have so much to get rid of.
This sweet little Santa ornament only cost a few pennies. He'll be on next years country tree.
Some jingle bells, Christmas cards, a momma polar bear with cubs, a few nut crackers, a few odds 'n ins ornaments made of galvanized metal, some faux acorns that will not break or rot were bought costing a fraction of what it could have. The aisle at the stores were still full of items as if CHRISTMAS had not arrived yet. The after CHRISTMAS sale frenzy was over. I slowly looked at the items I could choose from. I walked past this polar bear with cubs, backed up and said, Yep, I like you and I will take you home with me for more winter decor. Who can have too many polar bears?
~d
