I CAME ACROSS A SMALL BATTERY OPERATED PAPER SHREDDER INSIDE ONE OF THE CARDBOARD BOXES HOLDING OLD PAPERS. Ha. I forgot I owned this little darlin'. She works rather well for shredding small amounts of paper before I have to clean the blades before she clogs up.
Awhile back, my Mom gave me loose pictures in a small plastic bag that were my Grandma's. She gave them to me and I'm so glad to have them. Also have some of my In-Law's pics. I must have brought these home with me after my Father-in-Law passed in 2018. I will give my kids these for their enjoyment.
QUESTION...Ever thought, Oh, if I could only go back in time and relive that moment would I? I found pictures of my folks when they were so young that I was just a twinkle in my Dad's eye. The pictures of my children when they were so young were heart warming. I kissed the pics. Yes, I'm one of those that kisses pictures.
One pic in the bag was of my husband and myself asleep with each other on the floor at my Mom's house. We were exhausted. Mom must have snapped this one. I'll make copies and share with my children so they can see that their mom and dad were so very young once. Sometimes I have a flash back remembering when I was dating my skinny hubby. It's so fresh in my mind. I remember well riding around in his sporty car that we spent great amounts of time in. It was a care-free time that I cherish. Care-free...is that what I'm craving in my old age? Yes, I think it is. Care-free...how do I achieve you?
I remanence. Going down memory lane within a different time and realm has not been without my thoughts going wildly into mental places that tear at my emotions that I'd rather forget altogether, but I can't completely. They must be put into better perspective than what they have been. The holding tank must be made out of a sturdier material in which the demons are contained in far away from me so I can have peace being a happier and much healthier woman. The torment gone.
I have prayed that the painful memories be gone. That they do not hold me capture anymore. Sometimes the torment takes me over leading me to a place that I spend too much of my time and energy.
The struggle has been real and now I wonder if I got too much satisfaction out of the struggle. The struggle had become a comfortable place to visit. Even though it were hellish it was a place that represented what had already happened and I was free to stay there as long as I wanted so I wouldn't suffer more loss from newer experiences that could possibly come. Was it a way to stay comforted preventing new pain from happening from other things that would hurt? Was I punishing myself so I stayed where I have struggled? Was I addicted to the pain? To have withdrawal from not visiting the past is a possibility. To say farewell to what I have been entertaining for decades is entering into uncharted territory.
The pain doesn't need to hold me captive any longer. It's draining to be stuck in the middle of the pain. There comes a point where I have to have enough brain muscle to bench press the misery and say to it, I have no use to entertain you anymore. You carry too heavy of a weight that has molested my happiness. I no longer desire to be held captive by your misery. These demons must be sent to flight leaving me alone, never to return. No more will I allow these dreaded thoughts to have so much control over me that I cannot function and be productive. I choose life. A blessed life. These awful memories that kept me prisoner in a pit that I have not been able to get out of must be viewed from a different light. I release myself to have power OVER these hellish thoughts. I am more than a conquerer. I am more.
Many times I dealt with grief of what happened. Putting sad thoughts in a place where I can either stay stuck with so many bad memories is hellish. Being set free to enjoy life more abundantly where I live in the present is what I'm after.
Why should I be held back from enjoying life to the fullest? It is a reality that there are painful moments, but in being a more mature and productive woman I have got to let these painful memories not hold me captive where I cannot move freely living life in a better light. Amen.
I can pray and the Lord will hear me. He will HELP me stand on higher ground putting these events behind me. I have said long ago that I cannot go back in time to stop what happened, but God can help change the meaning of what happened. Amen.
I laughed some and cried as well while looking at the snap shots. These moments captured in the pictures are long gone in real time. It is a pity to allow memories of bad things from the past to take up so much space in one's heart and thought life. The hurtful, emotional baggage that we sometimes hang onto for far too long, can ruin one's life that really shouldn't be like that.
I have had more good times and blessings than bad. I'll focus on that and remind myself that I have been blessed beyond measure. I get into trouble when I do not think on the good. I get into trouble when I do not meditate on the goodness of God.
I have to make the choice to focus on the good. I shouldn't allow the bad to outweigh the good. The good has got to outweigh the bad to have a happier existence to balance life where I have a happier disposition. Amen.
To make things even more nostalgic, Hubby got on the computer and started playing music from our era. I'd hear a few notes and could guess the artist, their group and the name of the song of most of them. There are certain songs that when I hear a few beats, I pop off the name. Takes me way back. Instead of the tv being on, it was great fun to listen to these songs that we liked. This time was a good one. Let there be more good times. Amen.
PSALM 56:8 King James Bible
