AS I SIT HERE, it is a very windy day with the temps cooling off. That's alright, but I'm praying for a decent Sunday afternoon as we plan to have a graveside service for my dear brother who passed away on October 31st.
Grey skies a plenty. My kitchen window looks out at a very tall and mature tree that bears bright yellow leaves that the wind is taking pleasure in blowing off from the branches. A chilly 37 degrees. When I look at all the decorating some women do to warm their HOMES, I can't help but want to warm my HOME as well. Later on that as I have my hands full preparing for brother David's burial.
I finished the wreath that will hang on a easel beside the grave. He was cremated and there will be an urn to bury on Sunday. It has been a long 13 days full of things to do to prepare for a service. My dear brother might have thought he was taking care of business paying for his cremation last March. That's giving plenty of time and it was much appreciated that this detail was paid for in advance, but what I don't think he realized was that the Funeral Home he would be using is one with a horrific reputation in the area.
NOTE TO SELF: Use a Funeral Home that has a wonderful reputation that will answer your phone calls when grieving. This particular funeral home would not return phone calls. An answering Service would later pick up messages given and the Lady taking care of the details would not return phone calls. When getting through to her, she would tell my Brother-in-law Harold that she'd call him later that day or in the morning then not honor her word. Understanding that David's funeral is not the only one she was working on, please do not say you will call then not call. Harold was my brother David's guardian and he needed to be on top of all the details involved with David's cremation.
David was life flighted to Kansas City from Peabody, Kansas on a Saturday suffering with an aortic aneurism. He would pass away early Sunday morning. Harold would contact us that David had been life flighted to KU Medical Center on Saturday then call us around 8 am on Sunday to let us know that David had died. Later he'd tell us that we could go to Kansas City to see David in his Hospital room. We decided to drive to Kansas City because with him wanting to be cremated I wasn't sure I'd get to see him lying in state before the cremation took place.
Off we went straight to the Hospital knowing he was no longer alive on earth. I regret that we didn't head out on Saturday when we first heard that David had been life flighted. I regret that. I last saw my brother last Summer before he took ill with covid. He had had his vaccine shots earlier in the year, but got ill in September. I know he was in a weakened state, but was recovering.
The place he lived was too slow getting medical test ran. Harold had been trying for two weeks to get the HOME to speed up on these test and the Administration dragged their feet. I partially blame them for being too slow to assist my brother because he was mentally ill, on Medicaid, and I believe they drug their feet getting him proper attention.
Walking into the hospital room was not a comforting thing to do. Yes, I saw my brother, but the hospital staff had not closed his mouth and they had left the IV needle in his arm. I was too upset to ask the nurse why they hadn't closed his mouth and remove the needle. It was disturbing to me. I told my brother good-bye.
Playing telephone tag with the funeral home, we'd learn that David's body would be moved to the hospital morgue but could not be moved back to Peabody until a fee was paid to the funeral home and the guardian signing off. He could not be cremated until the Doctor signed the death certificate.
I contacted the local paper about placing a DEATH NOTICE in the newspaper with word that a full obituary would follow. It never appeared as the woman I talked to gave me the wrong email. Disheartening. Another snag.
I would personally hand over the written Obituary with photograph to the newspaper office so that I personally knew that the obituary with death announcement and funeral plans would be published in the next week's paper. Mom, Sister and Husband came with me so I had witnesses that the obit was turned in.
The next day when Hubby went into the newspaper office to pay for the obit, the clerk could not find the obit. What? One more hick-up. They'd find it and it would show up in the next day's obituaries. Word perfect with a photograph. They do not give this service away as they once did for free. Now it cost so much a word, photograph is extra and having a wordier write up even more. Gone is the day that this public courtesy was provided for free.
The young woman that Harold was dealing with would continue to not take his phone calls. David passed on a Sunday and Harold would have to get things lined up to travel to Kansas to sign papers at Wichita with the funeral home on Tuesday. My husband and Harold drove to the Wichita Funeral Home Office so Harold could sign the necessary papers and pay to have David taken to the Valley Center Funeral Home, fix his mouth and be prepared for a Friday viewing at 10am.
With all the telephone tag, we weren't confident that David would actually be viewed on Friday morning. The young woman said that she was not getting through to the Doctor to ask questions on signing the death certificate. We didn't know when David's body would be transferred from Kansas City to Valley Center.
On Friday morning, David was lying in state and he looked beautiful. My 89 year old mother repeated outloud, "David, you look so good." AND he did. He looked at peace.
I emailed the funeral home with my plea that this not being reachable was causing additional grief and suffering. The funeral home wouldn't return phone calls to my husband and brother as well. The doctor had not signed the death certificate sooo the funeral home had said earlier that until the signature was on the death certificate, David couldn't be cremated. We didn't know when David was moved, we didn't know if the Dr. had signed the death certificate, we didn't know when he was going to be cremated and at one point we didn't know where his body was at after leaving the Valley Center Funeral Home as we would learn later that they farm out cremations.
Made a shout out on facebook about this awful ordeal asking for any idea what to do and suggestions to help us get the ball rolling. Friends suggested some things and one friend said he'd contact his friend that is good friends with the KU Med Chancellor. He did and shared with me that David's body was moved on Tuesday to Funeral Home and the the doctor signed the death certificate on Thursday, November 4th before the November 5th viewing. No death certificates had been ordered as David had paid for two.
Why the Lady corresponding with Harold didn't inform him of the truth, I don't know.
My mother reached out to a Marion, Kansas Mortuary where the owner extended a helping hand, placed David's name on the local board that announces who has passed away. He made a few phone calls and spoke to someone about Military Honors as my brother was a veteran. I talked to him about this other funeral home and he said that they give mortuaries a bad name. He called to talk to an employee that works at this awful funeral home and was told who would be doing the cremation.
Hubby called this phone number for the crematory and was told that they had no such person there, but was given another phone number to call. He did and they had David. He was told when David was moved and when he would be cremated, but then came the dilemma of when to pick the urn up. Even this was not very clear. Sister and Mom would pick the urn up in Wichita, no wait, the urn would be at Newton at A FURNITURE STORE!!!! A what? A furniture store, not a mortuary at all.
Because David's Minister was on vacation, we haven't visited with him in person. I had emailed him through their church email and he contacted me through my email. I was able to share some info about David to help with the funeral service.
Made arrangements for a time for people to get together and visit after the service. Got a phone call from my mother saying we wouldn't have a get together. Just the graveside service and nothing else. Then someone reached out to me about providing a different Church's Reception Hall. She also reached out to my brother who lives in Oklahoma. Together with my sister we decided we'd do this after all.
Then Mother didn't want two of the songs played at the service. Not comforting she said. Hubby and I will play the two songs at the cemetery when the service is over and all are gone. David will get his two modern songs played that day even if we are to only ones present.
David had requested that WHEN THE SAINTS GO MARCHING IN be sung at his graveside service as well. Print outs have been made. We worked on a program with David's picture on the front and a self-portrait on the back. The obituary has been printed on the inside of the program and the service agenda on the interior as well.
Mom, Sister and I went to the flower shop to order a silk wreath or spray then were told that they lost their artificial flower suppliers during the Pandemic. I went to 18 places to get supplies for the making of a wreath. 18.
I had a picture of a beautiful wreath made out of red carnations. I checked Dollar Stores, Hobby Lobbies, Michaels, Target, etc. in Manhattan and in Topeka. Only one Dollar General store had 4 bushes of red carnations. I switched gears and went for red roses, found some patriotic ribbon and a grapevine wreath. I worked on the wreath as best I could. It looked alright, but I missed having a carnation wreath. I was talking to GOD about needing some more red carnations and that I was disappointed that this wreath didn't have more carnations to it. Disappointed. Guess what?
Last night when making a run to small town America's Dollar Store they had 6 bushes of red carnations enough to finish a beautiful wreath. I was very happy about that. Very happy and thankful. I finished the wreath this evening and hung it on a steel easel. Found a small framed picture of my brother and sat it on the easel. I believe it is appropriate for the graveside service come Sunday.
Now to clean up the picture frames I have of pictures of my brother to place on the memorabilia table displaying some of David's artifacts.
Amongst all this chaos, we cleared out David's room at the Home where he lived and went through his personal belongings on a Thursday. This is when we ate lunch at a restaurant that was playing some of his favorite music while we ate. It was a treat. A lovely treat. It was like he had arranged for us to listen to some of his favorite music for taking care of his earthly belongings.
Lord, Would you please provide decent weather for Sunday so we don't get rained out? Please. It would be ever so much appreciated. Thank you. Dear Lord, I'm so tired and I know our family members are as well. On the verge of being exhausted.
As we bury my brother, his plans to have a simple graveside service have been anything but simple. It has been more stressful then necessary. Truly stressful. This time next week, I pray that we are rested up and continue painting our Dining room before Thanksgiving comes. I shall see how it goes.
David, if you can hear me, know that we tried really hard to give you a decent graveside service with music, honorable words spoke over you and that we love you. We will miss you more than words can say.
~d
