Much to do about MUCH TO DO! I was visiting a different site that has a post about nurturing marriages. While reading the comments made, like others I have my thoughts about posted comments. One of the ladies is married to a difficult man that cannot be pleased. Though she was sharing what she's dealing with, her comments were under fire as to her being unkind toward her difficult husband. That she was bitter. I disagree. She is simply stating what the situation is like.
Marriage may have been entered into with one view point and then as life happens, we have added experiences to process. Marriage is a living breathing covenant that we have to nurture. It may require walking in an area of expertise that we are new at and full of surprises that requires alot of wondering, what do I do now.
This poor gal over at the other site is in a marriage where she is constantly put down by her husband and in his eyes she can't do anything right that pleases him. Does the word NARCISSIST come to mind? It does to me. This is a personality disorder that I've read about over the past year. Identifying and dealing with narcissist is tricky.
But once you figure out that this is what one is dealing with, God help you...you are in for a rough ride. You will definitely need godly, firm guidance in the way you live and walk. Living with a narcissist can be draining.
Not every one that has been dumped on, verbally abused, hit, belittled, ignored, abandoned, cheated on has asked for this treatment. Many that are in a difficult marriage or have gone through an unwanted divorce will blame themselves for what is happening to them. They may suffer a stigma placed on them by others or by tormenting thoughts of you didn't do enough, you weren't good enough, it was all your fault, you should have tried harder, you're a failure, you're ugly, you're stupid, you're...This is exactly what the narcissist wants, for you to take the blame, embrace the put downs and destroy your well being.
To a narcissist, this is what they want. The blame game is played and life changes that are needed are transferred to someone else as the reason things aren't going well. The narcissist doesn't have to correct his actions. He never really takes responsibility for his bad choices and never takes ownership of being responsible for his own actions, therefore he can remain in his sin and get away from growing up. It's all about him and his "worship me" arrogance. I'm mister wonderful and you are nothing.
Shock of shocks, you as a wife can be doing everything right and the husband still rule with a heartbreaking critical spirit where no matter what you do it's just never good enough nor can you please them. Yes, the door can swing both ways.
My advice is to not stop praying. It will be God that comforts a broken heart and broken marriage. It will be God that comforts and helps the broken hearted one that has tormenting thoughts. Try not to be mad at God. It will be Him that gets you through this. He will be your BEST friend and shoulder to cry on. He will show you the way in which to go.
When both husband and wife long to remain in their marriage and are willing to work together in harmony within God's boundaries, the marriage stands a chance. We can be nurtured in a wholesome and balanced marriage.
When we encourage others to be in a Christian Marriage, we are helping with nourishment. 1Titus 4:6 If thou put the brethen in remembrance of these things, thou shalt be a good minister of Jesus Christ, nourished up in the words of faith and good doctrine, whereunto thou hast attained.
If for many reasons you have suffered poor treatment and have gone through a rough divorce, I'm very sorry. I have come to believe that when we honestly seek God, He will be the one to comfort us while mending our broken hearts, if we let Him. He is faithful. His name is WONDERFUL.
God Bless you,
~Deanna~
This poor gal over at the other site is in a marriage where she is constantly put down by her husband and in his eyes she can't do anything right that pleases him. Does the word NARCISSIST come to mind? It does to me. This is a personality disorder that I've read about over the past year. Identifying and dealing with narcissist is tricky.
But once you figure out that this is what one is dealing with, God help you...you are in for a rough ride. You will definitely need godly, firm guidance in the way you live and walk. Living with a narcissist can be draining.
Not every one that has been dumped on, verbally abused, hit, belittled, ignored, abandoned, cheated on has asked for this treatment. Many that are in a difficult marriage or have gone through an unwanted divorce will blame themselves for what is happening to them. They may suffer a stigma placed on them by others or by tormenting thoughts of you didn't do enough, you weren't good enough, it was all your fault, you should have tried harder, you're a failure, you're ugly, you're stupid, you're...This is exactly what the narcissist wants, for you to take the blame, embrace the put downs and destroy your well being.
To a narcissist, this is what they want. The blame game is played and life changes that are needed are transferred to someone else as the reason things aren't going well. The narcissist doesn't have to correct his actions. He never really takes responsibility for his bad choices and never takes ownership of being responsible for his own actions, therefore he can remain in his sin and get away from growing up. It's all about him and his "worship me" arrogance. I'm mister wonderful and you are nothing.
Shock of shocks, you as a wife can be doing everything right and the husband still rule with a heartbreaking critical spirit where no matter what you do it's just never good enough nor can you please them. Yes, the door can swing both ways.
My advice is to not stop praying. It will be God that comforts a broken heart and broken marriage. It will be God that comforts and helps the broken hearted one that has tormenting thoughts. Try not to be mad at God. It will be Him that gets you through this. He will be your BEST friend and shoulder to cry on. He will show you the way in which to go.
When both husband and wife long to remain in their marriage and are willing to work together in harmony within God's boundaries, the marriage stands a chance. We can be nurtured in a wholesome and balanced marriage.
When we encourage others to be in a Christian Marriage, we are helping with nourishment. 1Titus 4:6 If thou put the brethen in remembrance of these things, thou shalt be a good minister of Jesus Christ, nourished up in the words of faith and good doctrine, whereunto thou hast attained.
If for many reasons you have suffered poor treatment and have gone through a rough divorce, I'm very sorry. I have come to believe that when we honestly seek God, He will be the one to comfort us while mending our broken hearts, if we let Him. He is faithful. His name is WONDERFUL.
God Bless you,
~Deanna~
9 comments:
I look forward to your comments. Hope you'll share.
Well written piece ... TTFN~Marydon
It is surely true, marriage is never what one expects. Personalities can become so twisted over time it is almost impossible sometimes to realize that the two are the same couple. When you have someone always blaming and never listening, that has got to be hard. When we married my sister and I, in a double wedding, placed our bridal bouquets to the side for Mary the perfect model of a wife and mother. There was a lot on controversy about the movie The Passion, but It was the best depiction of the mother of Jesus I have ever seen. You could see the pain in her face and feel it too. Without faith in God I don't see how anyone can manage. No one has to be belittled in that way you were speaking of. My prayers go out for "the unknown woman" that she will find peace.
QMM
HI!!
Very good post, it is a give and take commitment, first off going into it with the attitude that we are in this for life works for some and others take advantage of that promise. I do NOT think I could stay in a marriage where there was insulting and name calling as verbal abuse may be MORE damaging then the physical, although I WOULD NEVER allow anyone to tolerate that either!!!Me included!!! I really do not know what to say to someone treated in a bad way, except I would not tolerate it.
God Bless her
love,
jamie
This is a very thoughtful and kind post. Our oldest son , a US Marine who did 2 tours of duty in Iraq came home from his 2nd tour , to a nightmare...a wife who fits the "narcissistic" to a T. He is a Christian and dealing with the nightmare of his wife's behavior, betrayal, and antics, while trying to save his daughters ( he still is)he still deals with his failure as a Christian to have a good marriage, and sometimes the judgment of other believers.
His ongoing experiences have led me to not judge others in divorce, as I once have...and although our entire family of believers would counsel anyone to strive toward reunion, not divorce (he did )sometimes things do not go as we would have them. We do each other as believers a disservice when our judgment chases the most needy people away from Him.
I cannot imagine the chaos and tragedy of divorce compounded by the harsh words and accusations of fellow believers.A sad situation for sure.
Beautifully written Deanna!
Blessings,
Kim
My marriage went through a dark time about 15 years ago. The only thing that saved it was that both of us wanted it to survive. That is the only way it can survive in difficult times.
Well said. Thanks for posting this - I've had some friends in exactly the kind of marriages you write about. Sadly.
Thanks for your kind visit today!
Hi Deanna,
I enjoyed reading your post today.
Thank you for visiting my blog.
Hugs
Carolyn
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