In a way...preparing for surgery has been a time of cleansing for me. Much prayer and conversation with God has gone on. I am beyond words how kind comments from you and others has moved me to a new appreciation of how the Saints of God operate. The many prayers going up for me comforts me and reassures me that Christians that pray care for people's needs and concerns.
I am humbled.
I have been visiting with God about many regrets that I have. When you cry to the point of heaving...you know what I mean if you have been there before...the deep sorrow and hurts from the past can be put out on the table before God. There is a healing in this. A healing.
I wish God would touch my body to where the cancerious lump in my thyroid would simply disappear and I would not have to go under the knife to have my throat cut and thyroid removed. The not knowing what will be found during surgery is bothering me. I have no idea how long this cancer has been growing there.
The symptoms I have noticed go way back. Over the years I asked my doctor to check my thyroid and do some blood work. The TSH would always be within range and I was told my thyroid was fine. Nothing found when manipulating the neck. Next time you check for lumps in your thyroid area...be sure to tilt your head back and press above the collar bone area. This is where I found a lump. Once again my TSH reading was within range and I have Thyroid Cancer at the time.
Many say this thyroid cancer can be treated and that's that. If you're going to have to have a cancer, this is the one to have. I lack comfort in this.
I don't want cancer... period.
Many have given such kind words and offering prayer. I greatly appreciate this. Greatly. THANK YOU. I think you're wonderful.
This past week-end I attended a Nephew's Arkansas Wedding
at St. Catherine's Chapel at Bell Gable in Fayetteville, Arkansas. I'm not sure how fast I can get pictures on the blog...it was a beautiful outdoor wedding. The details were lovely. The temperature and heat index were high. This is the first wedding I attended where hand held fans were available. A fan with the initials of the Bride and Groom's names with a frilly bow tied around the fan. A welcomed thing!
For now, I'll show internet pics of the location where the wedding vows were exchanged. Each time I witness a wedding, my heart stirs a little more. The covenant relationship that is beginning on the wedding day as vows are spoken to Love, Honor and Cherish one another til death do us part...is sacred and should be a holy moment which leads into a lifestyle of commitment to one another together in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer. These wedding vows that are spoken to one another before God, a Pastor, Witnesses and Guests should be honored and held at high esteem. Sacred COVENANT. A covenant that goes past the 'pounding heart when we're together' to sitting in the same room and being at peace with one another without all that passion that ignites baby making mombo!
I couldn't help but be emotional this past week-end. I am very emotional.
After we celebrated the happy occasion at the reception, we stayed the night at a very nice place and on Sunday said our good-byes and well wishes to family. We drove onto Carthage, Missouri where Sam Butcher's PRECIOUS MOMENTS CHAPEL is.
As I walked toward the Chapel...more tears flowed. I am very emotional. My husband and I sat on a bench inside the Chapel. Quiet Christian music is played, but I heard wailing and sobbing as I sat. A man by himself came into the Chapel sobbing. He looked at us and apologized as he said the last time he was here at the Chapel his wife was with him, but she was in Heaven now.
We told him that it was alright.
I held my husband's hand as we sat and thought...if I die, should my husband ever return to this Chapel he would be the one to be saying, "The last time I was here, my wife was with me. She's in Heaven now."
If God should allow me to have a longer life while I'm on Earth...I won't be the same. There will be some changes that come to be. I will write some books. I will decorate my home. I will teach a Sunday School Class for Children. I will prepare more cakes for others. I will pray more for the sick and the discouraged. I will give to more charities. I will pray more. I will love my husband more. I will love my Family more. I will. I will study God's word more. I will praise God the best I can and then some. I will wear red more. I will. And if I am not given more time...I will pray and carry on til I can go no more. I will have wished that I had done some things better...I tried. I'm sorry if I ever mistreated you.
I'm sure you have all known someone who has gone through life changing situations or be given another opportunity to life. Perhaps they didn't change a whole lot, perhaps they did. Hope it was for the better. Every day God's mercies are new. Every day.
I have this day.
~Deanna~
14 comments:
Hi there, Prayers being lifted up for you this night. I got a call from a doctor today and she mentioned "cancer"and the fear it lodges in my mind and heart. Thank you for sharing-May His Stripes completely heal you.
In His Arms,
Noreen
You, your family, and doctors and nurses continue to be in my prayers.
The pictures from your wedding site make it seem like a fairy tale location. Thanks for sharing. ♥♫
My thought was to quickly browse through the blogs that had been updated today...and yours was the first I came to. My throat tightened as I tried to hold back the tears, and even as I type this I do so through misty eyes. Such an open, honest outpouring of your heart and soul deserves much more than a quick browse. You've slowed me down this evening to count my blessings, reflect on the good memories of my family, and to be thankful for the opportunity to live in this age when even strangers can be friends and support. I will pray for you. I wish you and your family the best.
May God give you the peace that passes understanding. Today!
Dear Deanna,
Thank you for sharing this lovely post with us, your honesty and love is beautiful.
My thoughts and prayers are with you and hope that the surgery will go well and may you make a good and speedy recovery, so you will be back doing all the things you want to do.
Blessings & hugs
Carolyn
May God bless you and heal you according to His perfect will. So thankful that you are in the Great Physician's Hands. He will take care of you...He IS taking care of you.
This is such a heart cry, and such a reminder to us all.I am praying for you.
St. Catherine's is breathtakingly beautiful!And you know, the older I get the more significant and special marriage is.
Oh, I'm so sorry to read about your pending surgery, I have faith that you will be completely healed, and in the hands of our Lord, make a speedy recovery.
I will keep you in my prayers.
Hugs,
Jo
You are my hiding place; you will protect me from trouble and surround me with songs of deliverance. (Psalm 32:7-8)
Your blogging friend, Pamie G.
Beautiful setting for your nephew's ceremony. I do understand the emotional rollercoaster effect -don't make too many resolutions about after this I'll do thus and so or never do that - one dear survivor friend has it right when she says "I live my life - never taking anything for granted" - God has a plan and it is working through all of us - you are a precious child of His. Trust you are given the peace that passes all understanding and those who love you are comforted.
You are so kind to share this scarey time with us. There is someone, somewhere, who needs this and is comforted by it. I'll be praying for you! Sandi
Dear Deanna,
You are very much in my thoughts and I will be especially thinking of you and your family on the 5th. May you all find strength and support at this time.
Please know that we are here for you, praying for your good health.
Hugs
Carolyn
Deanna...
Forgive me, friend, for not paying more attention to your blog these past few days. I've only been on-line sporadically over the past 48 hours or so as I had much to do regarding store merchandise inventory and reorganizing my life.
As I read down through your last couple of posts I became heartsick over your concern for your own health. Of COURSE I will pray for you. As soon as I finish this note to you I will hide myself away and speak to the God I love.
Illness, especially cancer, can be so frightening. I don't know of it firsthand as I've never had it...thankfully. But...when I was in my early 30's I was diagnosed with a very rare auto-immune disorder that was ravaging my young body. My two children were still tiny and I didn't know what tomorrow might hold. I was very frightened...very afraid...and very, very sick.
My father came to me one Sunday afternoon when I was especially miserable and weak. I had dropped down to 116 pounds (very tiny for me!) and my health was failing. In faith he laid his strong hands over me and prayed to Jesus for my health to be restored. He anointed my head with oil (being a preacher-man he always carried it with him) and spoke directly to the Son of God in my behalf. He had done this many times in my life but this time was different... I don't know how long he prayed over me because I fell asleep from exhaustion. I only know that when I awoke over an hour later he was still kneeling beside me praying. I knew when he said AMEN that all would be well.
On the following Wednesday evening I was sitting in choir practice and I began to feel very strange. I had become accustomed to the symptoms of my disorder but this feeling was different. As I sat in the loft my entire head felt like it was on fire...it was burning...almost as if the infection within me was being pulled from my scalp. I knew instantly that I was made well again. I got up and ran to the back of the church where my hubbs was doing the sound and started babbling about what I had just experience. I believed right then I was healed...
Although my blood tests continue to show I still have the immune disorder I have been 99.9% symptom free for 20 years now.
Today I will be praying for God to bestow upon you the same mercy, love, grace and health He lovingly sent my way so many years ago. You have many great things still to do in your life as you minister to us all here in blogland.
"Rise and be healed in the name of Jesus..."
Love to you~
Rebecca
Deanna,
I just want you to know that I prayed for you. May God give you quick healing and complete peace during this emotionally and physically challenging time. God is faithful.
Love,
Lynnette
Deanna,
I found your blog through Lynetter, I am praying that surgery went well and that Our Lord will give you a complete healing. Stay strong, He is always with you.
Prayers,
Sharon
Post a Comment