Another Death and I Am Grieving

Receiving a Tuesday morning phone call from my oldest son wondering if I knew that my Mother.in.law had passed away......he knew that she died peaceably in her sleep at her home.  She wasn't in assisted living anymore nor a nursing home, but in their new home that they were renting.  One of their grown sons was living with them to take care of his parents.    

My heart was sad and I started to cry when I hung the phone up.  I tried telephoning my Husband at work to tell him to come Home.  No answer.  I didn't want to tell him by phone that his Mom had died.  I tried his cell phone and no answer, so I left a message on his work phone to please call me.  

Waited.  Called again.  Waited.  The phone rang and I stayed calm.  Told him to come home.  I didn't want to tell him on the phone.  He didn't ask, but came Home right away.  This is when I prayed to know what to say to him when he got Home.

Both of our boys had messaged him that he needed to contact his Dad, so he knew something wasn't quite right.

Telling my Husband in a warm embrace that there had been a death in our family was the best way I could tell him that his Mom had passed away early in the morning in her sleep at home next to her Husband of 65 years.

He phoned his Dad getting the details.  We quickly packed and drove the long distance from our place to theirs stopping in Dodge City, Kansas where we slept in comfort with a huge picture on the wall of Topeka, Kansas's Old Town Church, Pharmacy and park.  I thought it odd that we had left our neighborhood to drive to a Motel with a huge picture of the City we live near.

We wanted to reach the Funeral Home by 10 the next morning to go over the funeral arrangements.  We helped pick out a casket and ordered beautiful flowers.  One of my brother.in.laws was there as well.  I had gone through the motions preparing my Father's funeral back in December.

The minister and his wife dropped by to visit and gather information to use for the funeral.  I had to think for awhile what I wanted to share.  I do remember my Mom in law telling me that as a married couple you have to fall in love over and over again.  After 42 years of her being my Mother.in.law I could have shared many sage advice she gave, but at that particular moment only a few things came to mind.  She once told me that she was a child of God and because she knew God loved her she had value and worth.  She could hold her head high and she did.

She had experienced some very ugly things in her life, but held her head high.  Many illnesses she suffered.  She had been through much as a mother of four active boys that were messes.  She did miscarry a baby and believed this to be her little girl.  She took very good care of herself, dressed nicely, well groomed, hairs and nails were lovely.  She was a fantastic cook when she cooked, took care of her husband, children and home when she could.  Knew quite a bit about health issues as she had so many.  I believed her to be a very loving Grandmother to my children.  Most the time she was very pleasant toward me.  I know that she loved her Husband and children so much.

She was a praying woman.  She wasn't perfect, but I know she tried really hard to be kind.  Not a pushover.  She had a lovely home and yard.  Usually on Fridays she made a trip to the Beauty Parlour, had her hair washed, dried and styled.  Weekly visits.  What a nice way to pamper oneself.  

She made the best desserts and big dinner meals.  Pot roast and potatoes was a wonderful dish to serve up.

She was a spectacular seamstress as she didn't have any daughters to sew for but she sewed for my daughter the most professional sweet frilly dresses you could imagine.  Once she sewed the boys Easter outfits of shorts, jackets and shirts.  So proud to dress the children up for church in these clothing she selfishly made.  Unbelievably talented.  She sewed and had a green thumb, cooked well, stayed pretty and took care of her home, husband and children.  She was a wonderful woman.

She was ill a great deal of the time and I didn't always understand how the meds she took affected her perception of reality.  This was a lesson in dealing with mental health that hurt.  She'd go from being so sick to bouncing back to being much better.  Many years passed as she lived her life and at 82 years of age, she went to sleep in her bed next to her husband and entered into heaven early in the morning.  

Friends of my Father.in.law began to come by his home and visit with him.  Some brought food.  I was blessed by the kindness so many showed us.  I was truly blessed how kind many were.  As the week progressed, we went to the Flower shop that was preparing the flowers and ordered a smaller bouquet from my family to my Dad in law.

Their Church served a fried chicken meal with cheesy mashed potatoes, green beans, rolls, iced tea and brownies.  The service went well and I cried.  We drove from Guymon, Oklahoma to the little farming community where she was laid to rest in a well taken cemetery.  A beautiful day it was at 71 degrees.  Blue skies with whispy clouds.  Birds singing and gentle breezes.  Flat grounds and large open spaces where you can see for miles on end.  SO quiet in the country.  So peaceful to where you can think and hear yourself think.

It is a different environment that many don't like, but until you stand tall on this flat ground with your face to the wind you may not understand how some never adjust to over crowded towns and people everywhere.  Too many cars.  Too much stress.  Too much activity to have peace in ones soul.

Wide open spaces.

At 71 it was like a Spring day in which we buried my Mother.in.law.  For over 42 years she was my MIL.  I think how LIFE went over the 42 years there was much I admired about this fine Lady.  Much I needed to think about.  She birthed my beloved Husband on Christmas eve 62 years ago.  She was human.  Very human.  I will miss her and think of her often.  Truly I will.

Now I am saddened for my Father.in.law who's lung cancer has returned.  He has lost his sweetheart of 65 years and mother of his children.  He lost his lovely wife and there isn't much I can say to him accept that I am so very very sorry.

We returned to our little retirement cottage tired and saddened.  A long drive.  I will write out thank you cards for the flowers that were sent and for the food that was given.  A thank you to the Church that prepared the lunch and a thank you to their local newspaper thanking all that blessed us during this time of grieving.  Hopefully the cards will be ready to mail this week as I think it is appropriate for a handwritten thank you.  

Resting will be a slow process this week as I will continue to do laundry, write out bills, file papers, do general housekeeping, etc.  Slow as I return to as normal as I can.

It had been a Season of grieving having lost my Father in December and my Mother.in.law in January.  Not to mention the devastating house fire we suffered last October.  I remained quiet on the burning of our Rock House.  More later, but it has truly been a draining season and I am drained.

Prayers please.    
Very much appreciated.
Truly,
d