Broken Heart

The sun set and cooler air has moved into town.  A very SPRING-LIKE week-end where I could have lingered for days on end.  Awesome weather.  

Now tomorrow may be a different story here in Kansasland.  Sometime in MARCH I would LOVE a deep snow just before it starts warmer toward a seasonal change.  One more snow Dear Lord.  Please.

Husband started building a kitchen cabinet for my new everyday china.  Soon all will be in this piece beside the pantry.  The present cabinet that will emptied of dishes will be filled with cooking and baking staples along with bakeware.  As he worked on constructing this new cabinet it appeared that he really enjoyed building this new cabinet.  Praise God.  He didn't always like working on home projects, but he has seen the light.


Valentine's Day is coming.  Think I will take my SWEETHEART out for LUNCH.  

I bought a regular box of candy and also some sugar-free Russell Stovers.  The metal box in the shape of a heart with embossed design had a handful of WHITMAN Candies inside.  Delicious.  Think I will surprise Hubby and fill the metal heart with sugar-free candies.  He'll be surprised.


I don't want to throw away the heart.  I'm am such a pack rat.  Well.  Recycling and using it again.  Maybe keep something in it for keepsakes.  Most all of my keepsakes were damaged and destroyed in our OCTOBER HOME FIRE.  The upstairs bedroom that housed antique bedroom furniture that had my sentimental keepsake things in it was destroyed.  The keepsakes were burned, smoked damaged and water logged to the point of mildew damaged.

That was a hard day for me when the men carried what was left of the furniture to the yard where I sat looking over what was going to be thrown away into a dumpster.  The furniture was completely destroyed beyond repair.  Charred. 

The mattress and box springs were burned up to where the bedsprings had fallen through the bedroom floor into the kitchen below.  Springs in the kitchen confused me for a short time when I asked myself what are bedsprings doing in my kitchen?  Duh. 

Fire Damaged Kitchen

Then it hit me, Deanna the kitchen ceiling is gone and the bed was above this.  Or what was the kitchen ceiling.  The old oak headboard and footboard were partially hinged between the bedroom floor and into the kitchen ceiling.  The bedding all gone.  The things on the bed and under the bed gone.

My antique armoire/wardrobe was charred.  The antique bassinet basket with picnic baskets that were on top of the wardrobe were burnt.  The Princess vanity was devoured.  An antique sewing machine gone.  My Singer sewing machine gone.  Lots of clothing, tablecloths and table runners gone.

The clothing in the closet were melted.  The sentimental things from my childhood and young adulthood were so damaged.  

Dried flowers that I have kept for years from my Grandmas funerals were mildewed.  Beyond dried.  Two pillows my Grandma made me when I was a child were damaged.  I just sniffed them and there is no smoke smell, but somewhat black.   I'll launder them and see if they will spring back after they have aired out in the out of doors.  

A picture of airdate puppies that I had eyeballed at the antique mall for years that my Husband bought for me was charred on the wall.  We weren't able to reach it as it was unreachable because of the floor being gone.



The pull down vinyl shades were no longer there but instead a amber colored discolored smudge was left on the windows.

Dolls were burned.  SO much I cannot even think of all that was damaged.  The chandy in what I called the sweet room was cut down.  I'm going to try to clean the individual crystals and use them for Christmas decorations.  The metal crown that was attached to the chandelier was warped from the intense heat in that room.What was once sparkling clear crystal is now chocolate brown glass.  Sigh.

Enough.  I will probably leak some grief out occasionally as I write.  It will help me get through this phase of life as we regroup at RETIREMENT COTTAGE.  I go along alright for a short time then get exhausted thinking about the fire.  Replacing items.  Rethinking what was destroyed.

Yes, they are just things, but they were our things that we struggled and sacrificed to pay for, collected over 42 years of marriage also some things which I had since a wee child or were gifts to us through the years.  Our things.  God will help us get through this.  We cannot take anything with us after we take our last breaths.  This does make it easier for me to give things to my kiddos and to others.

I will encourage myself and others to keep accurate records and descriptions of items for future references.  Keep records and accounts in several areas not just in the house as they can still be destroyed.  Pictures help even after the destruction if there is anything remaining to photograph.  Lord have mercy.

This is what I prayed as I was standing across the street watching the firefighters work on our home fire....Lord have mercy.  Lord please watch over the fighters.  Lord have mercy.  

When a home fire is going on, you don't know what is burning up as it is burning.  

I didn't have a clue what smoke damage does and what the water coming from the hoses is doing inside a home.  

After you are allowed to go back inside of your house, the shock of the damage can make you go numb.    NUMB.

As it all soaks in...it takes some time for it to soak in.  There have been days that I sat and had to keep my eyes closed because I didn't have the strength to open them though I was awake.  Before  the fire, my Mother.in.law was on her death bed.  She'd recover, but have to be life flighted two more times during our fire  and recovery.  As I was working on fire recovery and insurance, my dear Dad had a stroke and would die 11 days later.  There would be the grieving and preparing to bury him.  Then Christmas would come and the New Year still grieving and resting.  Still working on the fire recovery.   My Mother.in.law did pass away.  We made preparations to bury her.  I am working on writing thank you cards and I will be helping my Mother prepare for a move into a smaller apartment.

I am very tired.  Must pace myself as best I can.  I am worn.  Little by little the Cottage is taking shape and we are better settled in this small pleasant COTTAGE.  I rejoice we have this place to rest and call HOME for now.  I must take my vitamins and rest.  Pray and rest.  Get out to get fresh air.  Pray some more and sleep well at night.  Stretch and turn.  Write things out and rejoice.

Rejoice in the Lord alway: and again I say, Rejoice.  Philippians what?  Have to look that one up.  Philippians 4:4. 

 Are you recovering from a traumatic event 

or piecing together a broken heart?  

My heart goes out to you.  

May you have a better Valentine's Day 

than you expected.  Know that you have value 

and worth.  You do.

You are loved,

d