TODAY REMINDS ME OF HOW SHORT LIFE CAN BE. One year ago, my favorite cousin died. She was 65 for a week. Life as she knew it on earth ended and she woke on the other side with her husband. My favorite cousin was in a terrible automobile crash.
When my Sister telephoned me with the news I burst into tears. Weeping out loud I had no shame. The shock and disbelief was overwhelming. I searched on the computer for information about the car wreck. So much was written already. I was stunned.
She wasn't raised Catholic, but would convert when she married. The stories I could tell you about the differences in our FAITH. We had a few conversations along the way. What we had in common was the main focus of our relationship and it was for the best to not to correct one another as we'd never agree completely with each other.
Her last words to me were, "When nature calls, you have to go." I said to her, "You look good. I love you." Off I went to use the throne in which I was called to use. She went to visit with her Mom. This was on a Friday afternoon. The next day, she'd be gone. She entered eternity.
She was such an active woman ever since I can remember. She and her Husband had a large family together and each time she got pregnant her mother and father objected. They were not happy with the pregnancies. I'm not sure when they decided their daughter had enough children. Which grandchild would they send back if they could? Why would they want to? All beautiful babies with a multitude of talent.
After nine children, why did it matter so much to her parents? My cousin was a fantastic mother and her children never went hungry nor did they go without clothing. All very clean and well groomed. All were healthy and extremely athletic.
Denice cried easily. It was one of her super powers. She said it cleansed her. Made her feel better. When one's mother doesn't show affection toward their own child, it can leave a deep hurt. It's a deep hurt that God can help put into perspective. Denice came from a family with four children. She has a twin brother. Three brothers altogether and the boys could do no wrong, but not Denice. All the good she did and her mother constantly put her down. When my mom said to Denice, "I'm not sure I'd go visit if my Mother did what yours does." Denice said, "The Bible says we are to honor our parents."
I understand where she was coming from and to her, I'd have to say, "Sometimes we have to honor them from afar. Same with other family members that have added insult to injury. Sometimes we have to love them from afar." She told me once that we are not to be door mats. I agree. But allowing a mother or father to be constantly mean to us, we must not be willing to be an enabler that allows them to abuse us as adults. As a child living under their roof, it's a different ball game. When fully grown...we shouldn't be an enabler that allows them to hurt us anymore.
There was friction between her and her parents. Tis sad, but that's the way it was. She said that her Dad was the one to give emotional comfort to her. That her mother was a injured woman that her Dad constantly was trying to comfort.
I believe that there was such friction between Mother and daughter because the mother was upset with what her own father and brother did to her and also her daughter. Angered that she had a daughter that she needed to protect and failed at it taking it out on the daughter. If the daughter hadn't been there then the mother wouldn't have to deal with what her own father did that was wrong. The boys are a different story. They apparently didn't need protected from the monsters that violated the females in the family.
Denice is at peace now and knows more about death than I do. She knows what happens when you die.
I so admired Denice. She could decorate cakes like nobody's business. I have awesome childhood memories of us growing into young women getting married two weeks apart from one another.
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